Montgomery Q - The Saga

Huge Halloween Treat Bowl Becomes Best Friend

2012-01-29T08:43:00.000-08:00

A couple months ago I had what I thought was an extreme reaction to a bad polish dog at Costco. I couldn't move my head without throwing up. It went away after 2 nightmarish days, but now I'm thinking maybe it wasn't the dog.

A couple days ago I started having symptoms of a stomach flu, which didn't really surprise me, since Oliver has been sick, and so has Maddie. Dizziness and an extremely overhelpful digestive system.

Now I'm fine except for the one thing: my balance. I move my head, just a little, and I have to wait a minute for the world to stop spinning. It's a tiny bit irritating, especially since Ive always had the agility of a puma riding on the back of Batman. Now, every time I get up I feel like this guy.

My sister the nurse says it's a problem with crystals being misaligned in my ear balancing mechanism. The roller-coaster ride thing inside my ear that makes it so I can balance is called I think clefs. I call them dickheads. I have to coach them with tough love sometimes. "ok, I'm turning over...I'm going to be on my right side, laying down now, lets see if you dickheads can keep up."

Dorth came over Saturday with a laptop to take me through a re-balancing exercise she's seen doctors do. It's a procedure you can find on the internet, and I'll take you through the steps.

Step 1: Start in your bedroom, or use your living room couch if your bedroom is too messy to let your sister in.

Step 2: Start laying on the side that makes you most dizziest. Remain in that position for 20 seconds.

Step 3: Call for your Halloween Pumpkin bowl and puke into it. If kids are watching, lessen the trauma by including your vomiting retches into your conversation.

Step 4: Go back to the position and stay there for 5 minutes.

Step 5: Every 5 minutes switch into different positions with your head hanging over the side of your couch at different angles. This makes gravity push the weirdness in your loopys into the right place.

Step 6: At the end you're supposed to feel better. I did for about 2 minutes, then I vomited again.

I puked twice more yesterday, and I still feel dizzy today. So maybe the doctor has another idea on Monday.

Good News and Bad News

2011-12-11T20:58:00.000-08:00

Life has given me some good news and bad news this month.

Bad news: The furnace broke, and it will cost $600 to fix.
Good news: The furnace guy found the part for $300.

Bad news: The dryer broke down
Good news: We...get a new dryer.

Bad news: My car was broken into in SLC on Friday night. The douchebag took my laptop bag, containing my laptop, ipod, and many little things I held dear.
Good news: The laptop is my work's, and it's been backed up. So I didnt lose any files. I also didnt have sensitive info saved on it. So it could have been worse. I've been told that Apple has a lot of methods for tracking down laptop thieves, too, so that's good. Also, it'll only be $145 to fix the window, because the glass repair biz is highly competitive.

Hopefully the rest of December gets better, though. I'm getting kind of sick of these ups and downs.

Getting into the business of Business Logos business

2011-11-04T12:00:00.000-07:00

So, I've been pretty busy lately, as you may have noticed. I haven't had time to post any animal logos, profile illustrations, or discussions about my illnesses. That's because I've started a new business with another designer. It's called Business Logos.

Check out my Logo Design Company over at Thumbtack. If you write a review, I would be indebted to you.

You can also go straight to the home page and peruse it's sweet, sweet offerings.

You're probably wondering what else you can do to learn more about me and the business. I understand completely. Here's a link for you to our Facebook page so you can stop wondering.

So. Support the site. Spread the word. And have a great Friday.

7 Awesome Design Clients

2011-09-30T07:37:00.000-07:00

7. Is there anything specific that you DEFINITELY want to see in your logo?
-I want a MAP like the ones I attached.
-I want Minneapolis and St. Paul Metro area map with the Mississippi River running through (as it is on the map.
-I want highways 694,494,394, and 94 labelled on the map (see drawing, and map attached).
-On the top of the map, I want a faucet, maybe suggesting to clients to not let your faucet run like the Mississippi.

6. Why did you choose this particular composition?
It is the closest to the vision the Lord gave me. I am so excited! My heart is overwhelmed! The logo is taking shape and getting so close to the vision. I love the crown! I love the multiple shades of the children. You are doing a wonderful job. Thanks for your patience in helping me to develop a logo that I love and is pleasing to God.

5. Please enter the exact name you would like to appear in the logo.
Three Wishes or etcetera or Georgies or Inside Out

4. Is there anything specific that you DEFINITELY want to see in your logo?
I want this to include every symbol of every religion. If you want to include secret things as well, im open for suggestion.

3. Is there anything specific that you DEFINITELY want to see in your logo?

I want symbols that show the scope of this application. A collage of symbols could include a reference to birth (e.g., a baby), death (e.g., tombstone or casket), marriage (e.g., bride and groom), divorce (? - be creative), accounting (?), and statistics (e.g., bar graph or pie chart). And the outline of the state of Kentucky.

2. Is there anything specific that you DEFINITELY want to see in your logo?
Yes, a sketch from my daughter 4 years ago, recreated exactly. Rainbow Colored Glossy Background, fading gradually from Yellow at the top to blue, pink, etc filling entire background of card.

1. Please give us any other information that could assist us in producing your ideal logo and identity:
Finally, if we could get a monkey playing banjo and riding a unicorn, jumping over the u in church...that would be swell...

Animal Logo Wednesday - Orangutan

2011-09-28T14:44:00.000-07:00

"The baby orangutan who is running, cool looking and high tech that will be in my logo must represent the following traits
Reflecting: The letters must reflect a little.
Understanding: The critter must have big eyes to show understanding.
Negotiating: The critter must be running
Innovating: The critter (baby orangutan) must look innovative. Perhaps carrying an Iphone or Ipad.
Networking: The baby orangutan must be social, funny, fun."

I'm going to miss this place.

I'll State that it was Fair

2011-09-09T11:15:00.000-07:00

Took the fam to the State Fair yesterday. Belly had a cake that took Second Place, but I didnt get a picture of it. See Mandi's blog in about 2 years to see a picture of it.

What I did see was a booth that said this:

I was hoping that after paying a dollar, I would see this:

or even this:

But what I got was this:

But the Fair made it up to me by letting me see this awesome 10-ft Robot:

And the juggler really entertained Oliver:

The hypnotizer hypnotized me until I realized the Sea Lion show was starting, at which point I stopped performing, and he asked me to leave the stage. The Sea Lion show shocked and entertained us.

But the best part was an exhibit in the arts n crafts building. Imagine a cow. Or just look at this

Now imagine it MADE OF BUTTER. You read that correctly. BUTTER.

Now times that by 4. Carry the 7. That's what I saw last night. A FAMILY OF COWS MADE OF BUTTER.

Really?!?

2011-09-09T10:25:00.000-07:00

I want to make 9/11 National Crotchpunch a Truther Day

Logo I created for a clothing company

2011-09-02T14:39:00.000-07:00

Animal Logo Wednesday - Dog Star

2011-08-17T14:51:00.000-07:00

Sirius the "dog star" is about twice as big as the sun and is the brightest star in the night sky.

Facebook Friend Thursday - Deb, Dan and Matt

2011-08-11T13:58:00.000-07:00

Animal Logo Wednesday - Moose

2011-08-10T09:03:00.000-07:00

I havent done one this week, so here's one I did about 3 years ago. It's for a pool cleaning service that naturally chose a moose to represent the quality of their work.

You know how women always moan about things? Don't worry, human men. I just read an article about how women moose manipulate their dudes with moans, too.

Reservations of the trailer of the Movie of the Rise of the Planet of the Apes

2011-08-08T12:00:00.000-07:00

This movie looks like I would really like it. I have no great love for the previous Ape movies, but I like the idea of apes going crazy and attacking humans.

The trailer had me until I saw the ape. It looks like this

It's supposed to be a chimp, right? An actual monkey? I admit I know very little about this film, but I know how monkeys look? They don't have a very visible sclera (the white part). They have eyes like this

So, does anyone else think an ape with shifty human eyes looks retarded? Or am I super sensitive to how eyes look. I mean, if they can get every hair in there and not looking like a video game...didn't they do research into how the eyes look? Wouldnt this

getting all smart and taking over the world look better than this?

Oooh....he's looking at me with human eyes. So ominous.

SFX artists, Hollywood...it's time you address this issue and stop making apes look like dudes with an ape mask on.

And don't tell me it wont look real, or the ape wouldn't be able to convey emotions. I cant hear you anyway. Kong had gorilla eyes and he was still able to convey emotion and danger and realism.

Maybe I'll feel stupid after I actually see the movie. Maybe they explain that the Alzheimers-fixing serum alters their eyes, and also gives them larynges, so they eventually learn to speak english like they do in the other Ape movies. Wait...do they all learn english? What about the apes in china? Do they learn chinese? And how is there a million apes in one city....are there that many zoos? Uh oh...now I'm starting to have all sorts of qualms...I hope they resolve these pre-issues. Maybe I'll love this movie. Maybe this will happen.

Return of the Clydesdale

2011-08-04T14:52:00.000-07:00

So, the people that wanted the horse on the bike came back, wanting more comps. I was happy to oblige, although it took so much time, I'm unable to provide Facebook Friend Thursday enjoyment.

Animal Logo Tuesday - Dolphin

2011-08-03T11:52:00.000-07:00

Though the exact methods used to achieve this are not known, dolphins can tolerate and recover from extreme injuries, such as shark bites. The healing process is rapid and even very deep wounds do not cause dolphins to hemorrhage to death. Furthermore, even gaping wounds restore in such a way that the animal's body contour is restored, and infection of such large wounds seems rare. In this way they are similar to Wolverine. or Paul.

Random Illustration Tuesday - Birdemic Dude

2011-08-02T15:19:00.000-07:00

"The main actor from Birdemic is running in a track suit. there is a parrot on his shoulder, guiding him through the city. It has difficulty talking because its mouth is full of crackers." Submitted by JSH

Animal Logo Wednesday - Clydesdales and Foxes

2011-07-27T08:52:00.000-07:00

I'll do a two-fer today, since I was too busy yesterday to do a Random Illustration. I know how you get.

The horse one is for a clydesdale-based cycling club. Fun fact: The clysedale is second only to the carp in biking skills.

Hawkward

2011-07-21T09:27:00.000-07:00

While my wife and kids went to the Tracy Aviary yesterday, I had a bird encounter of my own. I was downstairs when I heard a bang. I thought it was someone slamming the door. I went upstairs but no one was home. I went outside to see if a tree branch fell on the roof. I found my neighbor and his kid, holding a mouse on a string.

My neighbor said sorry that his pet falcon got out and ran into my window. The kids say this bird is a little retarded.

I asked where he was and if he's all right and they pointed up. He was sitting right above me about 8 feet up.

I always thought falcons look like this

But this one had a dazed look more like this:

Wait. More like this:

So, falcons are pretty fast. This one shattered the window. This is the same window we had replaced about 2 months ago. But my neighbor was very cool and he's getting me a new one. He even came over and boarded it up until the window guy comes. And they eventually managed to get the falcon back in his cage.

Random Illustration Tuesday - Shattiger

2011-07-19T14:54:00.000-07:00

I submitted my own today. "I want a tiger made out of shattered glass. I want it to be multicolored. I want it to be pronounced ShattIger with the emphasis on the I. It needs to be badass."

Fringe Fan Fotoshop Fun

2011-07-18T15:14:00.000-07:00

Animal Logo Wednesday - Monkey with a Camera

2011-07-13T13:43:00.000-07:00

Client wanted a monkey with a camera. So I drew a monkey with a camera.

Facebook Friend Thursday - Friday Edition

2011-07-08T14:20:00.001-07:00

Today it's CuMo, Erik and Mark.

Animal Logo Wednesday - Stork

2011-07-06T12:42:00.000-07:00

Storks have no syrinx and are mute, giving no call; bill-clattering is an important mode of stork communication at the nest. Also, newspaper and baby delivery are important to them.

Random Illustration Tuesday - Rollerskating Peanut

2011-07-05T15:06:00.000-07:00

"I'd like to see a peanut roller skating in pink knickers please..." - Sara
"...

the constellation pisces looks on with pride." - Joel

Facebook Friend Thursday - Corey, Tiffanie, and Travis

2011-06-30T14:09:00.000-07:00

Animal Logo Wednesday (Thursday Edition) - Bedbug

2011-06-30T10:13:00.000-07:00

A bed bug pierces the skin of its host with two hollow feeding tubes shaped like tongues. With one tube it injects its saliva, which contains anticoagulants and anesthetics, while with the other it withdraws the blood of its host. For this reason, they must be killed mercilessly.

Random Illustration Tuesday - Skull Mountain

2011-06-28T14:25:00.000-07:00

"Paul, draw a football game of the gods on cloud tops, with a mountain breaking through the clouds, atop which a herd of buffalo is standing. There's also a roller coaster twisting around the mountain and the cheerleaders and the fire cobras are riding it. All of this is taking place on top of a skull. A skull with nose cleavage." Submitted by everybody

Facebook Friend Thursday - Biggy, Ben and Melissa

2011-06-23T13:46:00.001-07:00

Animal Logo Wednesday - Heroic Shrimp in Cape

2011-06-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

This one was way easy. The client just wanted a superhero shrimp in a blue cape.

Random Illustration Tuesday - Muppet Breakdancers

2011-06-21T14:27:00.000-07:00

"The Sesame Street aliens are break-dancing on the street. A construction worker with a pneumatic drill is waiting irritably for them to move so he can get to work. A mini devil is on his shoulder trying to get him to give in to the temptation of the nearby dippin-dots vendor."
Submitted by Joel

Facebook Friend Thursday - Dan, Bru, and Seth

2011-06-16T15:16:00.000-07:00

Dan Vance

Bruce Browning

Seth

Animal Logo Wednesday - Humpback Whale

2011-06-15T09:15:00.000-07:00

Because Humpback Whales breathe voluntarily, researchers have said that it is possible that the whales shut off only half of the brain when sleeping. Or maybe they just take a really huge breath before they go to bed.

Random Illustration Tuesday - Monday Edition

2011-06-13T13:14:00.000-07:00

The discussion over at the Low Quality Blog made me want to see some other mutants in action. So I went ahead and drew them.

Facebook Friend Thursday - Kgar, Greg, and Melissa

2011-06-09T16:03:00.000-07:00

Kgar Bagecan

Greg Tedrow

Melissa Chapell

Animal Logo Wednesday - Cat & Dog

2011-06-08T14:15:00.000-07:00

The client wanted a doggy and a kitty. Just like me.

Random Illustration Tuesday - Homeless Slurpee Man

2011-06-07T14:26:00.001-07:00

Facebook Friend Thursday

2011-06-02T15:01:00.000-07:00

Dorothy

Matt Hemmert

Tammy Frame Lemon

Animal Logo Wednesday - Weird Fish

2011-06-01T08:59:00.000-07:00

I haven't done any animal logos this week, so I thought I'd post a couple of fish I've been fiddling with in Photoshop.

Random Illustration Tuesday - Python Ruby

2011-05-31T14:20:00.001-07:00

Facebook Friend Thursday

2011-05-26T12:47:00.000-07:00

Chris Bigelow

Nick Vance

Steve Anderson

Try and guess which is my cousin.

Animal Logo Wednesday - Peacock

2011-05-25T06:23:00.000-07:00

The NBC Peacock logo was created by John J. Graham in 1956 to promote their increase in color programs. It had 11 feathers and looked extremely gay. The current version of the logo has 6 and looks awesome. Moral: Don't say in 11 feathers what you can say in 6.

Random Illustration Tuesday-Super Grover Jedi

2011-05-24T15:10:00.001-07:00

"2 people, one of whom is SuperGrover, each riding a dolphin and dueling with lightsabers. People looking onward, sitting in stands that are on a barge." —Submitted by Dr. J Van Orman

Announcing Facebook Friend Thursday

2011-05-19T09:04:00.000-07:00

I need to work on my likenesses. Every Thursday I'll be posting quick unflattering sketches of a few Facebook friends, randomly chosen and without permission. It's kind of your fault for being my friend.

Britney Gunn

Greg Mortensen

Kyle Parkin

You're welcome

Animal Logo Wednesday - Jack Russell Terrier

2011-05-18T12:32:00.000-07:00

This breed of dog was bred specifically for fox hunts, and for their ability to root out foxes from their holes. The best use of them, however, is for listening to gramophones.

Random Illustration Tuesday - Kong Cone

2011-05-10T15:45:00.000-07:00

"An aerobics instructor wearing a purple leotard, hot pink tights and bright blue leg warmers goes into Macey's to buy a Kong cone. Instead of ice cream, they give her a cone filled with the actual King Kong. She is not amused. The person serving her the ice cream is Doc from Love Boat. He makes a pun about the situation and won't stop winking seductively."
-Submitted by Mandoo

Animal Logo Wednesday - Friday Edition

2011-05-06T14:33:00.000-07:00

"Must have the head of an Andalusian horse (MUST BE BREED SPECIFIC IN ALL DRAWINGS) and the head of an alpaca inside a heart. I would prefer an actual pencil sketch."

Random Illustration Tuesday - Batman Parking Ticket

2011-05-04T02:22:00.000-07:00

"The Batman gets a parking ticket. Don't park there, Batman. A Mexican street panadero is advertising his wares, but he feels a little smug that the Batman got caught."
-Submitted by JSH

Featured! Some of my logos

2011-05-03T14:48:00.000-07:00

Some of my work was featured in an Machoarts article about Logo Design. Specifically, my 7 Layer, Bruce Kodner, Navillus, Needle, and Libertarian Party logos.

That was nice of them.

Speaking of Osama

2011-05-03T10:52:00.000-07:00

At the pet store last night, we saw a cage of kittens. The info card said under Adult Size "Cat size". I enjoyed that.

The employees seem like Joel and I were when we were that age. Except we would have included a Cat Fun Facts section of the card and put a different thing on it every day.

Fun Cat Facts: Orange kittens are known for their green blood.

Half-smile shelf-gut stone-arms

2011-04-28T08:49:00.000-07:00

This dude at HP walks around without moving his arms and a half smile on his face. I just went into the bathroom and it was pitch black. The motion sensor sensed me and turned the lights back on. Half-smile woke up and got out of his stall.

It takes a half-hour of no movement for the lights to turn off.

That must have been an epic dook he was taking.

Animal Logo Wednesday - Ugly Ducts Duct Cleaning

2011-04-27T07:49:00.001-07:00

Animal Illustration Wednesday - Assassin Cats

2011-04-20T07:15:00.000-07:00

I think this counts for Random Illustration Tuesday, too, because it's not a logo, and it's fairly random.

"I need some assassin kitties for a website" Matt H.

Animal Logo Wednesday - Red Panda with Froze Yoge

2011-04-13T08:13:00.000-07:00

I don't know why this company decided to use a Red Panda as their mascot. Red Pandas hardly ever eat frozen yogurt. Their diet consists of about two-thirds bamboo, but they also eat mushrooms, roots, acorns, lichen, and grasses. They may eat also small mammals and birds.

I'd pay good money to see a Red Panda catch and eat a bird. They're really slow, so I guess they have to catch it when it's asleep.

Random Illustration Tuesday - Tadpole Meltdown

2011-04-12T15:06:00.000-07:00

"A mutant tadpole is being mocked by the normal tadpoles, but the normal tadpoles are in for a surprise...he's got his finger on the "meltdown" button of a nuclear reactor."
-Joel

Continuation of my Quest for Answers

2011-04-11T14:05:00.000-07:00

Hi there Paul,

I hope you enjoyed the sample reading I sent you yesterday.

I've been looking a little deeper at your numerology chart
Paul, and here is what I have found:
I see you floating in a sea of endless time - great vistas and a feeling of lifetimes behind and ahead of you. I get the feeling of urgency with you Paul, things that must be done, lessons that must be experienced. I sense the rhythm of life, the cycles we all experience.

Paul, you have had a few worries recently about money, but you know you have the power to solve them. While it's been a bit of a bumpy ride financially these past couple of years, the
next 18 months or so will be a lot easier.

I sense a period early on in your life - teenage years perhaps - when you felt misunderstood, as if you couldn't really get close to anyone, as it you are walking on the outside of life. These
feelings very occasionally reoccur.

Paul, you have sometimes wondered if you have made the right decisions at times, and it looks as if you have. You work best when you make your own mind up on things, though it is useful to ask other people for advice before you make your own mind up.

I can see you happy and productive in your old age, surrounded by friends and family. You are of above average intelligence, and will keep on learning all the way through life.

Paul, this is just the smallest glimpse of what numerology can show you about your past, your present, and your future. I have something truly exciting I'd like to share with you, where you can get a "sneak peak" into the surprising future that awaits you:

"link"

Yours in Numbers,
Blair
Numerologist.com

Dear Blair "5367-1234" McNumberinson,

I hope you enjoyed the offer that my colleague, Joel, has prepared for you. Have you given any thought to that? Your email didn't even mention it.

I don't know how you knew that I had had some worries recently about money. It's true that I was trying to decide yesterday whether or not to get a polish dog at Costco. If I used the credit card, Mandi would know I had shopped at Costco on Sunday, and I didn't have quite enough change to get it. Plus it would stink up the car with farty polish-spices, and she would be able to discern pretty quickly that I had spent Sunday School getting my dog on. But you probably knew all this, based on the numbers in the date and time of this email.

And how did you know about that period of misunderstandedness that I experienced during my teen years? I hardly told anyone about that! It's absolutely true that there were a few times growing up when I felt like noone understood me. Well, my cat, Dorin, did. She always knew just what to say. I think she died of cancer or was killed by a car. I can't remember. Any glimpse of that from my numbers?

Regarding your kind offer to let me buy a further in-depth reading of my numbers:
I think I'm good for now, since you gave me such clarity with this and the previous 5 emails. It's obvious you know what you're doing, since all the things you said about me were spot-on. I might be looking for a job soon, at which time I will email you to give me advice. I hope you're honest and straightforward and don't steer the conversation towards any business venture you or your colleagues have going at the time.

Yours numerically,
Paul

P.S. Remember Blair from Facts of Life? She got all the cute boys. I hope you get cute romantic entanglements as well.

Changing my Life with Numbers and Annoying Emails

2011-04-11T10:09:00.000-07:00

Hi Paul,

This is Blair Gorman, from Numerologist.com.

Paul, you have a very interesting numerology chart! Based on your date of birth (February 2, 1973), along with your name as given at birth (paul alex browning), your numerology chart tells you that:

- Your 'Life Path' is *6*
- Your 'Expression' is *5*
- Your 'Soul Urge' is *7*

This is indeed a very unique combination of numbers!

To learn what these numbers mean, and what they say about your personality and your future, go to the link enclised in this email.

Yours in Numbers,
Blair Gorman
Numerologist.com

_____________________

Dear Professor Gorman,

That gets my "numerical unit" skyrocketing into the stratosphere, numerically speaking.

Yours in 2420-1,
Paul Browning

_____________________

Hi Paul,

Have I got something special for you today.

Are you ready for this?

They NEVER did this before.

And chances are they will never do it again.

My trusted colleagues Steve G. Jones and Mike Litman offer a best selling Life Coaching certification course.

This certification course retails for $675. You can verify this at the following site:
(aunlp.org/lifecoach_fasttrack.htm) but do not purchase there because you'll pay full price.

As a thank you for being a loyal subscriber, I have arranged for you to enroll today for the ridiculously low price of just $27!

To your success,

Blair Gorman

P.S. This is incredible and shocking.

_____________________

Dear Professor Numbers,

No need for the P.S., I already know it's shocking that someone you're affiliated with is trying to sell an implausible product.

That reminds me, Blair Gorman, I have a feeling you need some socks. I have more than 20 pairs (not 23, don't worry) of many colors and sizes. Most of them are for size 10 foot or larger. I'm willing to sell you some...wait. Hold on.

This is coocoo-bananas.

My friend Joel (that lives in the grey house) has been talking to me about your incredible numbering system, and has been talking about hooking you up with his Foot Counseling System for a low, low price. He looks at your foot (or you can send a photo or drawing) and he tells you what the future holds for YOU.

He wants to give you a deal. He's not done this before...in fact, I've known him to sometimes OVERcharge for his foot counseling services. But not this time. Give me your home address, credit card number, and foot size and I'll send you the offer PLUS a catalog of his foot-based offerings.

23591,
Paul Browning

Random Illustration Friday Since I Was Too Busy On Tuesday-Junko Camaro

2011-04-08T14:50:00.000-07:00

"I want Junko to be driving a purple Camaro (the new style) that is abundantly adorned with Hello Kitty paraphernalia. Her hair is flowing in the wind as she speeds through a Fourth of July parade. Sigourney Weaver is looking on at the shenanigans with a mixture of shock and anger - mostly because she didn't come up with the idea herself."

Here you go, Sasha. I'm not drawing a Fourth of July Parade, though.

Animal Logo Wednesday - Leopard Leaping

2011-04-06T13:27:00.000-07:00

One prey that the leopard must beware of are fiercely protective warthog mothers.

Let's Click on the Pants Zone

2011-04-04T13:09:00.000-07:00

Animal Logo Wednesday - Lion with Wings

2011-03-30T07:18:00.000-07:00

It's a Venetian sign of royalty. Sometimes called a manticore. If it has the head of an eagle, its called a griffin. Not to be confused with a Lamassu, which are winged lions with human heads. Not to be confused with Woody Allen's description of the great Roe, which is a mythological beast "with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion."

Epic Weekend in Review

2011-03-28T06:58:00.001-07:00

My doctor told me I had until Monday to live (butt cancer), so we decided to pack everything possible into it. Friday I saw Sucker Punch with Corey. He and I are starting a band called 2 1/2 Beards. He bought my ticket, because that day I had drawn a tattoo of Saint Michael for his brother.

Sucker Punch was everything I hoped for, and maybe a little less. It had plenty of beautiful things that I loved, but it fell apart at the end. I'm a big fan of Emily Browning. I was worried that Vanessa Hudgens would ruin it, and I was correct in worrying about that. Zack Snyder decided to make her character the downfall of everybody else. Which was a shame. I didn't like the ending. All of his movies have disappointing endings.

Then we grabbed the kids and went to a hotel in Salt Lake so Mandi and I could go see Mozart Symphony #40 at Abravanel Hall. Mandi decided not to go, so I left her at the hotel and went by myself. It was insanely awesome. They started out with the overture from The Magic Flute, and the tears began. Then they played some pieces from Paul Hindemith. "Who's that?" you are wondering. Which is what everyone in the audience was thinking; as well as "what the hell?" It was like going to see

and getting

After intermission they went back to playing just selections from Mozart, so the rest was awesome. And the old dude next to me farted, then tried to act nonchalant while people 3 rows ahead of us were turning around with disgusted looks. That was awesome, too.

The next day we went to Ogden to the Dinosaur Museum. Oliver was scared of the robot dinosaurs.

Then I went surfing.

I didn't do well, but I ruled at body surfing as you can see.

We then took the kids rock-climbing. That was fun, but I was exhausted. I wanted to crawl into a bed and sleep for 5 hours. So it was a perfect time to go indoor skydiving. It was unfortunate that I didn't get any recording of this, apart from a blurry picture and a one-millisecond video. It fails to convey the awesomeness. The instructor took me way up high, around and round.

So it was the James Bondiest, balls-outiest, shredfest of a weekend I've ever had.

My doctor just called. It was just a GI Joe figurine showing up on the x-ray. I'm fine.

Animal Logo Wednesday - Morphs, or more specifically, Ball Pythons

2011-03-24T06:28:00.000-07:00

Morphs are snakes that have been selectively bred to be different in appearance from the wild kind of snake, color/pattern-wise. They're essentially snake mutants.

Buzzer Two

2011-03-17T14:42:00.000-07:00

I realize this is only funny to those that know Dave and Diane, and even then, marginally so. Oh well.

Under the Rain

2011-03-17T12:02:00.000-07:00

Under the Rain

Blood

2011-03-17T12:01:00.000-07:00

Blood

Animal Logo Wednesday - Bison

2011-03-17T09:53:00.000-07:00

Wallowing is a common behavior of bison. A bison wallow is a shallow depression in the soil, either wet or dry. Bison roll in these depressions, covering themselves with mud or dust. Possible explanations suggested for wallowing behavior include grooming behavior associated with moulting, male-male interaction (typically rutting behavior), social behavior for group cohesion, play behavior, relief from skin irritation due to biting insects, reduction of ectoparasite load (ticks and lice), and thermoregulation.

Every night I take a wallow for the same reason.

Random Illustration Tuesday: Potato Bug Doctor

2011-03-15T15:12:00.000-07:00

"A potato bug plastic surgeon is giving a facelift to another potato bug. She is about to look adorable." Submitted by Joel

As seen on TV

2011-03-15T11:59:00.000-07:00

I was emailed by the show Man Caves on the DIY Network. They are doing a man cave for a guy that runs an athletic club and loves racquetball. They want to use a logo I did and make a plaque for decoration.

I won't get paid, but they will put me in the credits and a link on their website. Which is neat, I thought. Especially since the client didn't like my design and went with something totally different.

Why I need to learn to make my own decorations

2011-03-15T06:19:00.000-07:00

So Farting Santa Guy doesn't beat me next year with his awesome lights.

Logo for Charlie Sheen

2011-03-11T14:24:00.000-08:00

Sounds reasonable.

2011-03-11T08:17:00.001-08:00

"I want a guy's head with a barbell stuck through it"

Creative Brief

2011-03-10T07:40:00.000-08:00

Animal Logo Wednesday - Rabbit

2011-03-10T06:47:00.000-08:00

From the Creative Brief: THINGS THEY DEFINITELY DO NOT WANT IN THEIR LOGO: No Rabbitts or relation to rabbitts

From the Revision Brief: Please draw a mischeivious rabbitt in a circle with ears overlapping the circle.

Random Illustration Tuesday-Eagle Mailman

2011-03-08T14:11:00.001-08:00

"Eagle taking back a mailman to hungry eagle babies wanting to eat the mail. " -Submitted by J.V. Orman

Logo Success

2011-03-03T09:18:00.001-08:00

There's a steampunk artist that came to us for her logo design. I was assigned to it, and after I was done, I thought it was fairly awesome, so I recorded my screen as I hit undo a million times. I wound up with the video of the process only backwards. Once we got it playing in reverse, the video turned out nicely.

You can go to her website to see her art.

Animal Logo Wednesday - Square Monkey Squared

2011-03-02T13:01:00.000-08:00

They wanted something simpler and happier, so I went nuts and did a few more.

Animal Logo Wednesday - Square Monkey

2011-03-02T07:34:00.001-08:00

This is for a company called Square Monkey. They picked B.

What creative block looks like

2011-02-17T07:21:00.001-08:00

Animal Logo Wednesday - Big Wing Sharp Tail Thing that Killed Steve Erwin

2011-02-16T13:18:00.000-08:00

Wait. That was a stingray, not a manta. Mantas don't have a stinger.

Random Illustration Tuesday - Mandi Punch

2011-02-15T14:47:00.000-08:00

mandi told an excellent story on Buzz that ended with "The rest of the kids needed a punch and a shower."

My brother, Dave responded with "For random illustration Tuesday, I'd like to see Mandi punching a 5-yr old into the shower." So here you go. If it looks very rushed, its because I had very little time to day to do it.

Animal Logo Wednesday - Squid

2011-02-09T08:40:00.000-08:00

Deep water squid have the greatest known penis length relative to body size of all mobile animals. When its erect, it can be as big as their whole mantle, head and arms combined. I forgot to draw that.

Random Illustration Tuesday - Snake in a Restaurant

2011-02-08T14:00:00.000-08:00

"A snake, sitting in a fancy french restaurant, has just finished eating an elephant whole. the way you can tell he ate an elephant is because of the shape of the elephant in his body. then maybe a waiter asks him if he saved room for desert." Submitted by M. Petersen.

Listen, this is very borderline, since it's really a cartoon that makes sense. Mark, you've been warned.

Lesson for Today

2011-02-08T09:27:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I get frustrated with clients. Were any of you aware of this? Like if a client says "Must show heavy-set, or chunky, gay male character(s) in every logo concept." That's the reason I started Random Illustration Tuesday: to have a little fun doing what I do every day: draw weird things. Sometimes it gets to me, though, and I want to punch people in the crotch.

But then sometimes (seldom) I get feedback like this:
"I would like to acknowledge the designer for this project! Splendid job on the airplane! I love it! The designer transformed my vision into a reality! Please tell the designer I said Many Thanks!"

And I get to thinking. Specifically, about Batman. If I used my punching power on clients instead of my artistic skills, I would be like Batman using his artistic skills on the criminal elements of Gotham instead of his awesome punching skills.

The lesson here is, I should be wise and use what I have to deal with what I gots.

Hi, I'm Paul Browning.

2011-02-03T10:55:00.000-08:00

I was interviewed yesterday for our company email. I just wish they had used my drivers license picture instead of taking a new one.

Random Illustration Tuesday - Wizard Fruit Stand

2011-02-01T14:34:00.001-08:00

"A woman is at a fruit stand. The proprietor is a New York wizard. He doesn't care for the woman's fingerprints on his fruit and takes wizardly action. His lover, an animate scrambled egg, chuckles." Submitted by J.S. Harris

Personalistization Test

2011-02-01T07:19:00.000-08:00

Please answer each question either:
A) I agree
B) I don't know about this
C) I agree wholeheartedly
D) I don't agree at all. Don't talk to me ever again.
E) Here's how I feel about this:________(fill this out)_______________

Post your answers/comments in a comment and I will give you your results.

1. I trust inspiration, ideas, and hunches.

2. I derive satisfaction from finishing projects more than starting them.

3. I value common sense, efficiency and spooning with random hoboes.

4. My desk may seem disorganized at times, but I can always find what I'm looking for.

5. The smell of the rotting mailman behind my couch does not bother me.

6. I love to be in the midst of the action.

7. I walked into a business meeting yesterday with only tight biker shorts on.

8. I listen more than I talk.

9. I liken pants to chains of governmental tyranny.

10. I take deadlines very seriously.

11. If I can't convince people with words, I use my fists. Fists full of peanut butter.

Please allow 10-15 minutes for Personalitization Test Result Processment.

Oh Dia del Mandoo

2011-01-26T13:28:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday sweet chicken. I made a couple shirts for you.

One is Conchords-based,

and one shows your strange devotion to the legend Donald Osmond. I know you wish I could be half the man he is. I hope your birthday is everything you've dreamed it could be.

Animal Logo Wednesday - Gorillas with hammers

2011-01-26T07:22:00.000-08:00

Random Illustration Tuesday - Weenie Roast

2011-01-25T12:59:00.000-08:00

"A weenie roast on the beach. someone forgot to bring the hot dogs, so people improvise and roast their heads instead." -J. S. Harris

Animal Logo Wednesday - Bonus Turtles!

2011-01-19T07:39:00.000-08:00

Q: What do you need when your turtle grows larger?

A: 'A bigger hammer'

A guy on a bus told me this joke once. I laughed politely, but I didn't think it was funny.

Animal Logo Wednesday - Bears on Unicycles

2011-01-12T07:36:00.000-08:00

I have a bear for a realtor, but I've never seen her on a unicycle.

Random Illustration Tuesday - Ninjas in a Box

2011-01-11T07:45:00.000-08:00

"I want a dog putting child ninjas into a FedEx box scoldingly. Cats in the background mocking him." submitted by J.V. Orman

Pushin Pixels

2011-01-10T13:09:00.000-08:00

I get to make cool things where I work. This logo isn't my favorite, but it was fun to make. I wish I had more time to make it cooler. You can see a video of me making this logo here.

Animal Logo Wednesday - A Wolf-Based Helicopter Service

2011-01-05T14:37:00.000-08:00

Client instructions: Must haveTimberwolf head w/ 2 eagle feathers hanging down from behind left ear.

Animal Logo Wednesday - 3 Chicks

2010-12-15T07:56:00.001-08:00

Once I had a chick for a pet that my niece Sylvia painted blue. She claimed she didn't know how it got painted blue, but she was lying.

Road Fun: Based on my Brother's Buzzes

2010-11-24T14:05:00.000-08:00

Random Illustration Tuesday

2010-11-23T15:14:00.000-08:00

Dave: "Moses driving the Batmobile through the Red Sea. A random guy that is definitely not Yul Brynner is giving chase in chariot drawn by three doves." submitted by D. Browning

Clarification of Random Illustration Tuesday

2010-11-23T09:17:00.000-08:00

Here's a better definition of the adjective Random: proceeding, made, or occurring without definite aim, reason, or pattern.

And here's an example.

1) A guy with a handlebar mustache riding a sailboard and saying "Yippee kai-ay!"
2) Two mushrooms with happy faces. They are in love.
3) A roller coaster that spells out the words "Just like last time!"
4) A department store salesman fellow for an upper class store like Macy's
or something saying "Welcome to Macy's or something"
5) a llama, a monkey, a dog pointing, and a potato.
6) the words Idaho Reunion '07

So no more requests for pictures of yourself (as fun as they may be).

Animal Logo Wednesday - Frog and Turtle

2010-11-17T07:56:00.000-08:00

This was for a herpetological scientific journal site. They study herpes cases in reptiles and amphibians, so they wanted a frog and a turtle.

Random Illustration Tuesday

2010-11-16T14:56:00.001-08:00

"A cloud is floating past the world's highest nicaraguan flag. The cloud feels patriotic andattributes his nearness to the flag to his own abilities" -submitted by Joel

Random Illustration Tuesday

2010-11-16T13:50:00.001-08:00

"I would like a picture of me with my shirt off (only I am all ripped like a superhero) riding that big flying dog/dragon thing from the neverending story, only the dog/dragon has a haircut and jewelry that makes him look like Mr. T. We are fighting Darth Vader who is in a tie fighter. I am fighting him with a nerf gun and this is all taking place over the eiffel tower." submitted by Z. Rasmussen