What Celebrity Wishes They Looked Like Me?

In high school I went through a Kajagoogoo period. Try not to fall in love. I think the main reason I had the mullet was so it would stick out the back of the football helmet.

Nowadays I hear that I look like the dude from Balls of Fury. I can kinda see that.

Sunday Trippin'

Sunday I had a fun experience involving the kids in my primary. The previous night I had manufactured a fairly awesome mechanism which involved a needle-topped star that rose up a string. It moved according to the quality of the kids' singing. If it got to the top, it would pop a large balloon, which gets the kids' hearts a'racin'. It worked well with one song, with all the kids laughing and shouting. I immediately went into panicky, let's-keep-it-quiet mode and started shushing them while blowing up a new balloon. For some reason, I worry a lot about the kids being loud and provoking wrath from a neighboring meeting, even though I'm the one that usually incites them to irreverence and frivolity.



I was almost out of my allotted time, so I quickly tried to get the new balloon to clip to the top. My apelike grip snapped the heavy duty black clip, but I had brought backups, since I'm well aware of my propensity to break things. I half-skipped over to the piano to get the spare clips, but not before hooking my leg on the easel supporting the display. Everything came down, luckily missing the kids, who were all laughing and pointing. I did a long fall/trip all the way past the podium to the area behind the piano, where Mandi was attempting to duck down even further, so noone would associate her with this mess. Then I got up and announced it was time for Singing Time to end.

That night I decided to relax in the hammock with Oliver. I called him over and got in the hammock. We had bought the support straps online, thinking they were a big improvement over the chains and wires we had used previously to suspend the hammock. I guess that being outside in the rain somehow corroded the straps, because once I got in and laid back, I immediately found myself hitting the railroad tie underneath as hard as you can expect. Yes, the pain was intense. The back of my head was throbbing, and for a a few seconds I couldnt breathe. Oliver came to tell me "gettup daddy" while I tried to assess the damage. I was thinking, "If only Mandi was here, so she could laugh at me and then drive me to the ER" The spine seemed intact. I think I did most of the damage to my internal organs and head. I told Oliver that daddy fell down and he said "Oh, I sorry....Kissit?" Then he kissed my back for me. That and 4 Advil Liquigels soon got me right as rain. I'm glad he wasn't in the hammock with me. Should I sue the hammock strap company?

Bellies.

This is at my cousin Nan's house. We all have good lookin firm abdomens that we're proud of.

Browning: The Best There Is

Back in the 1890s John Moses was out shooting duck on the Great Salt Lake in Ogden. He noticed that each time he shot, the escaping gasses would make the grass and his dog's fur move. He thought the gasses could be put to a better purpose and he started making test rifles of a different design, ones with a hole drilled in the barrel to divert some of the gasses behind the bullet into a cylinder to drive a piston. This piston would extract the cartridge case, and reload the next round, and fire it, all from a single trigger pull.

Thus was born the first fully automatic rifle.

The Navy bought his rifle in 1895. The Army bought his Colt Model 1895 Peacemaker, which was a huge mother automatic that was beloved for its power and reliability. The BAR (Browning Automatic Rifle) is still famous for its innovation and simple design. And his Colt M-1911 (which he developed from his first automatic pistol design) is still used by the military and police today as a standard officers sidearm. "It just worked" is what people said about his gun designs.







So we're all safer and speaking English because of my great-great-great uncle. On this day of recognizing pioneer heritage, let us give praise.

My New Hero

HERO CABBIE: I KICKED BURNING TERRORIST SO HARD IN BALLS THAT I TORE A TENDON

This article in the Daily Record made me laugh. And he worked there at the hospital? I hope his former coworkers accidentally lost their morphine when they were treating this guy.