The Most Magical Birthday Gift

Until recently, my best birthday gift was a cake shaped like Batman that my mom made for me. Or maybe it was an Oingo Boingo drumstick.

Mandi had told me to take Friday off, so I assumed we were going somewhere. I thought maybe a night at a bed n breakfast was in store for me, but I had no idea how nice my lady was.

Friday morning, she said, "pack some shorts, we're going to Vegas." Hot diggety, I said. I like Vegas. I don't ever gamble or get hookers, I just like to experience hotels and see Fremont Street and make fun of the weird people. And there's a Chevy's there.

On they way, we went to Jack in the Box in St. George. I always insist on stopping there so I can order many tacos and then eat most of them. The tacos are really good.

We stayed the first night in the Palms hotel. It is a very nice hotel, as evidenced in this picture. This is a Lambo parked in front. If I had this car, I would approve of it's paint job. The clerk upgraded us cause he wasnt a dick, and it was my birthday. So we got the really nice suite with two rooms and a tub in the bedroom.


















This is a picture of that tub, and a tubby man.

It was kind of overcast, which was nice for walking and driving. We ate at a $40 buffet place that had sushi and every other kind of food. I had waffles, red velvet pancakes, noodles, eggrolls, rice, 3 tacos, cheesecake, sushi, cucumber juice, orange juice, dr. pepper, some kind of meat, and 4 creme brulees. I wonder if Bruce Lee liked Creme Brulees.







This picture of the Caesar's Palace pool shows you the overcastness of the day. The pool was closed, but we didnt care, because we were just there to eat food.

We also went to the Bellagio to see the fountain show and the flowers. I didnt want to very much, but it was fun. Unfortunately for Mandoo, I was kind of an old man during this trip, not wanting to do much other than hang out in the hotel room. She urged me to get off my butt and do stuff.

This is an explosion of coins and a cobra that was at the Bellaggio. They were celebrating Chinese Awareness for some reason.

The next night we stayed at the Trump hotel. Since the clerk there WAS a dick, the room was not upgraded to our satisfaction. The bathroom mirror had a tv in it, though, that you could watch from the bathtub. If you don't think that's super-awesome, I just feel sorry for you, man.

That night we had Domino's pizza that only took 2.5 hours to arrive.

The next morning was Sunday. After attending worship services, we laid by the pool for the rest of the day. It was sunny and nice, as you can see. We had a late checkout of 4:00 pm, which is a very good thing. The only bad part was the water tasted like Mr. Trump's testicles. Legend has it that he goes to each of his pools twice weekly to make sure it does. He takes an antique teacup and dips it in, he sips and then sometimes says "Needs more balls". I kept flipping out when a drop from my nose would hit my lips, because I didn't care for the taste.

At 5:00 we went to Chevy's. We watched Beyonce perform the Superbowl show with Mexican music played over it, so you wouldnt have to hear her sing. It was a nice way to end the trip. Thanks Mandoo.

A nice memory about each member of my family

Bruce is the oldest. He once had an argument with my dad and started walking. My dad followed about 50 steps behind. I decided I wanted to see where this was headed, so I followed my dad. They walked all over Orem High. This began a tradition I had of following Bruce whenever he went out. He would go to his girlfriends house, and I would follow him and watch them make out.

Dorth is the next one. She had a lot of lovely friends. She liked to listen to Air Supply at my cousins house in Idaho. They knew all the words, and would sing and dance along.

Dave liked to rebel against my parents wishes. I went with him to a meeting with a guy that told him all the requirements he would have to pass off in order to get his Eagle in time. After the meeting, he told me how much horse poop the Scouting program was. Later he baptized me. Sometimes he would beat me up for wearing his clothes or stealing his money or reading his letters. I didn't mind, cause I worshipped him so much.

Robin is the next one. We called her Blob. She liked to sneak out at night. I would catch her, and she would promise me Slurpees to not tell my parents. She was a good girl, though...she just liked to go visit friends. She dated a black dude named Alex. I thought he was cool. She also dated a gay dude that I thought was cool, too. The gay dude is now best buds with my mom.

Laura D is my little sister. I tormented her too much, and realized this on my mission. I still feel bad about that. I should have enjoyed her more. I like her a lot now. She's funny. Once I flipped a cowpie into her face.

My mom is nice, and I always loved her. We didnt get along too well when I was in high school, because she didn't like the girl I was dating. I didn't get why, and still kind of don't. I thought she was strict, but really she wasn't. She always did nice things for me. We get along really well now. She got me a shirt that said Paul on it which I thought was the bee's knees. I wore that thing every day until it fell off of me in shreds.

My dad, I thought was normal, but he wasn't. He makes me sad to think about now. We get along, though. I wish he was more of a dad to me and my siblings, especially his last kid. I worry when I see similarities in our behavior. Once I hit my testicles really hard on my bike, so he took me into the bathroom and dabbed some kind of salve on my weener. It helped none.

I hate winter so much it makes me do this

I think my Great-Great-Great-Uncle John M. Browning was a lot like me in some ways.

Business Engrish

I have a client that speaks English none too well. He has me design catalogs and packaging for his toys, and also asks me to help him name his products. I enjoy his emails. Here's a sampling.


"Thank you for your explanation, I thought you are perfessional, and I have also memtioned that your design fit my other chemical glue or D.I.Y. Product."


"As to the toy package, please follow the markets, we plan to sell this bubble toys in U.S. Market and EU Markets. So please refer to the colorful design like the package I sent to you. I will be happy to have colorful and distinctive design."


"4. The kid on the left side, if you could let the kid's left eye winking reflex, that will be better. let him be seen as a little startle reflex."


"This pop bubble is for kid to blow a bubble, then kids use two hands to clap, then the bubble will sound "POP", like a rubber balloon sudden burst, but not so strongly."


"2. Could you please change the two kids to use some full of characteristic figures, it is too normal, and hope that to be loved by American kids?"


"The main topic and figure will be fine, I still looking forward to have better background, I need your some more initiative and creative idea."


"And also I can not feel the face or motion of the kid has fantastic feeling, I think this is catoon, so that we could let the figure much more exaggerate. How do you think about it?"


He sent some samples of what I was supposed to do the packaging like, and I said

"Are these going to be sold in the U.S.? Because, I have to tell you, as a designer, I look at the samples you sent me and cringe. If I was teaching a class on graphic design, I would use them as examples of how NOT to design a package. They are full of imagery and text, and it's hard to read anything. There are 3-4 different styles of illustration in each one, making it look like a mashup of frightening clip-art and misspelled words.


The examples have paw prints, musical notes, alarm clocks, and bugs. I have taught graphic design for many years, and I always teach that the package must be readable, with eye-catching and clear text, and to promote the product with imagery relating to the product. I understand that these are your competitors. Maybe you want to stand out from them, so that people take notice and view you as a quality brand. WIth this in mind, I've included an extra design that shows the direction I would recommend"

His response: "Great Job! It seems very good that I can not pick some points I can change.

Just replace the base color of NEW with red instead of blue.

Thank you very much for your effort.

It is great to cooperate with you."

There was no blue in the design.