Carl and the Quest for True Love

I'm Carl. I just purchased a Dell. it is now time for me to search the internet for a suitable companion, since I am unhappily married and still extremely handsome!

Please, eHarmony. Find someone worthy of my love, if such a woman exists.

Bingo! Daddy like!

Prince Watson, please reaffirm this woman's beauty. Am I hallucinating, or have I come across Venus, the goddess of love in the space of 20 minutes?

This lovely creature you have found possesses the kind of beauty that changes lives.  The dance move picture filled me with emotion, and proves to me there is a God that loves us.

Carl, you must do this right. Don't message her...the computer has a tendency to befoul meaning and twist intention. Instead, send her a handwritten note proclaiming your love, brimming with poetry and dulcet verbiage. That's right, on paper. No, the 80-lb. linen is better.

Almost complete...now for the poetry...

Aiiirrghh!  Why won't the words come?!

GggrrrgghhI've got it!

Prince Watson, come here. I need you. Wait, is that a...a.camera?

Peek-a-Boo, readers of this blog. 

"Roses are red, Violets are blue. When I get you home I'm gonna.."

This not only makes no sense, it is horrendously offensive. This will never work as a declaration of love.

Your butt isn't going to work with my boot up in it!

And don't YOU start neither!

I must change tactics. I'll just message her on the website. I should act quickly, though...

She responded! Happiest of days! And it says she's looking for an overly aggressive, indecisively dressed man!

You hear that? We are through!

To be continued...

Chet the Vet

Maybe Chet leave. Doctor never coming to fix Chet's hand.
Chet like office, though. Noone see what Chet finds in beard. 

*RING* Hi, This Chet. Me Doctor today.

A what?! OK, sure, Chet meet you in white room. 

Dog puking, and no doctors! What Chet supposed to do?

Jeeves, how Chet fix dog puking?

Yes, this dog. Dog sick? Chet doctor. Chet fix dog. 

What you feed dog? You check dog bum? You get Chet sandwich? Chet check dog bum.

Dog bum filthy. Chet clean out with finger.

Why you puke dog? 

Tell Chet why puke...

Dog stupid. Chet give dog antiemetics and recommend boiled potatoes and rice to nice man. Chet real doctor today!

Maybe Chet go to human doctor.

I'm Up For Whatever - User Profile DaHotni$$69

I am an 24-year old blond African-American bootylicious honey looking for  a sugar daddy.

So you know, I'm not trying to be like everyone else along dat post half nekkid pictures of myself
and rite all the crazy freaky stuff we goan git to on our first date. 

I got my own condo and I like gettin food, some drinks, maybe hit up the bar scene, just
see what we in the mood for. 

Truly!? Last two guys I found here were gay. One realized it, one had notta clue but OMG was he flamin. However, please, if there be any HETEROmales out their searching for a curvy, fun, friendly young gal, and you are dead certain that you are straight, write me lol, I am needing a man who knows how to appreciate the female form and knows exactly what to do with it...

I'm a ckup and I like knowin all sorts of different people. Way too young for settlin down, so please dont ixpect a relatiomship.  Want someone who has their stuff together, but def wants a carefree and adventurus woman. 

As you can see I stay in shape so I can hit the clubs and if you a whiteboy who cant dance then
maybe I aint the honey you be lookin for. 

This dance move be da wackness! I can do it standin or sittin! 

Whattup dawg?

What you see is what you git but what you git is 10x more than what you see.

 I am a very cool laid back person, I loveeeeee to laugh n have fun, don't really like ppl that r stuck n serious about everything, life is to short to b unhappy (always remember wen u think u have it bad some1 has it worst than u). This is me chillin in front if the yogurt place, chekin my tweets.

People say I look like Naomi Campbell or Zoe Saldana. 

I'm a scorpio, I luv kids but have non of my own. I dislike ppl that lie I hate it! I also dislike ignorant small minded ppl, I keep it real 99% of the time (hey nobody is perfect) n hopefully u r da same.

Stop looking for the perfect person u will never find that but find the 1 that is perfect 4 u. U May be hatin on my hatz but it keepz the sun off, yo. 

My girl LeShwanda and me rockin the matching shirts. She got bit by
a rotweiler and died in her mans kitchen. Peace Love 4evah girlfriend.....

N e ting else u want to no msg me. Muahzzzz

Frank, the Chicken Addict

Uh-huh. That's right. A chicken. Hold on a sec.

Hi there, I'm Frank. Those are my co-workers back there. Do you think they're working hard, or hardly working? Ha!

But seriously. I'd like to tell you about an little obsession I have. I like chickens. I mean, a lot.

Here's an example of how happy I would be if I was holding or looking at a chicken right now. 

My thumb would go up in approval of it, even if it was an ugly chicken. To me, they're all beautiful.

Pretty much my entire workday is spent showing people chickens I've found on the web. 

Go ahead, take a peek. I don't mind you watching me looking at chickens.

Sometimes I wonder if I like chickens TOO much. I've asked all my employees their opinion.

I don't have time to sit down. I just thought of chickens.

This is me teaching my son how to play the guitar.

Sometimes I'll take it and sing a song about chickens. 

My lady doesn't buy poultry, because she knows it would upset me. 

Let's see here...

That's right. Checkin out chickens. 

Can you imagine holding a fluffy white chicken in your hands right now? I can. 

Anyway, that's me and I'm lovin' it!

The Adventures of Ayestok-Foto