I had jury duty last week. I wasn't looking forward to it, since I'm a businessman that has business to care of, but the morning that I was supposed to show up, I was kind of excited. I was hoping for a sweet and juicy murder trial or, at the very least, a dude that gets naked when he's on meth. Fate smiled upon me that day.
This guy that looks like my neighbor was on trial for Failure to Register as a Sex Offender. To help you visualize, I made this picture out of twitter birds so you can see his body shape. And I used reddit dudes for his moustache.
He was a registered sex offender because he has a tendency to get naked when he's on meth, and he forgot a few basic things about life:
1) we've been asked to not ingest meth
2) You're not supposed to make love with ladies that aren't your wife.
3) You're not supposed to make love in the back yard of a house in a trailer park.
4) If you do that, you're supposed to make sure no kids are watching.
So one month he forgot to register, and got sentenced to 90 days of jail. He decided to fight it and we found that yep, he did forget. It sounds open and shut, but the hard part was the word "knowingly". It's kind of hard to track when you're supposed to do it, but he should have stayed on top of it. So eventually we found him guilty. I was the foreman. That means I had to keep everybody happy and on topic and try to make people talk that didn't want to talk. Only one guy was like that, and I eventually gave up on him. Screw people like that, seriously.
I liked the food. I liked how the whole room stood up for us when we came in the room. Once I came back late because I was urinating, and everybody stood up for me. I said, "please, be seated". I enjoyed that. I took a lot of notes, because all the details were important. I thought it was going to be a mistrial because we were split pretty evenly. That was hard to overcome, but we did it, because the juror instructional video of Christina Flores told us it was important to try our hardest.
The best part was chatting with the lawyers (or "lawys" as I call them) afterwards. We got to see that they were good buds and had their strategy and we asked them a lot of questions. It would be interesting to be a lawyer except it wouldn't be fun to be a lying crook all the time. The End.