Thursday, June 19, 2014

Sometimes I am Not Cool

Sometimes I have BNI meetings. I have to stand up and talk about my business for 60 seconds, which is boring. So I tend to jazz it up. 

Today I stood up and said:
Guy comes to me and says:
“Buddy, some bungling beardless bargain-basement blowhards bamboozled my business with a barrage of boring and bizarre brandmarks.”

To which I said:
“Bypass that baloney! Business Logos brings you bundles of beautiful brands that are bound to breed bravos. Once you buy, you will behold our budget-conscious buffet of brainstormed blueprints that will bring balance and bliss, build your broken brand and as a bonus, be a bullhorn to bolster your business.”

Paul Browning. Business Logos.
Sometimes I get to order things from places that sell things to promotional companies like the one I work with.
Today I wrote this:
"Could I get a free sample of the EVX3-DRYE Visor Organizer? I like the idea of having a dry-erase board in my car to remind myself things like feeding my cat, and I think my clients would like that, too (the reminders, not feeding my cat).

 It doesn't mention a CD holder. If it does have a CD holder, does it come with CDs? If so, I'm a fan of Dave Mathews (the earlier years) and Daft Punk. 
Thank you,
Paul Browning

I hope they like me. 

Wednesday, June 04, 2014

The MontgomeryQ Necktie Glam-Porium Neck-Stravaganza

Welcome to my internet site. I hope you have a nice stay and browsing experience. Hit Control and D buttons at the same time to Bookmark!

Have you been naughty? or Nice? Doesn't matter. Santa has come out of his Gay CLoset of Shame to remind you he has no right to judge deviant behavior and will spice up every holiday occassion you bring him to.  $12.99.

Moderately used. This cow-tie holds extra value to those south of the border due to its sombrero content. $29.

Probably the most pleatiest of ties you'll ever find. Heavily used. What secret smells will its folds release. Find out now  for $35.

Are you a weird-looking lesbian with weird-looking clothes and cats and living room decorations? I think my neighbor was, growing up. She had a garage sale every week and sometimes I considered bringing a respirator or other source of oxygen when I went to her house to collect fast offerings because of the smell of her living room. She would buy this tie-thing and wear it, I bet. $1.

If you are planning on using this tie to start up conversations with college coeds and then use a syringe to deliver the sedative and kidnap them, I hope you burn in hell. Also good for Egyptologists. $30

Chick magnet. It's colorful and lengthy, and the patterns defy description and repel, forcing the eye upward to your beard, where the deal is sealed. Never mind, I'm not selling this.

Hookahs are things that zero indian people and dumb american people that think they're neat gather round to smoke hashish with or anything else that can put in that bottom part. It's pretty neat, when you think about it. Can I touch my mouth to this moist metal straw that the unhygienic masses have been suckling? This tie has all the taboo, and none of the after-effects and retardation of senses. Get it now for $5.