Friday, May 31, 2013

New and Improved Blog Schedule

Monday: Logo Appreciation Day

Tuesday: iStock Saga

Wednesday: Clients I Love/Want to Smash with a Shovel

Thursday: iStock Saga

Friday: What's Happening

That way this blog will be run like a tightly run ship. Hey, it's Friday!

Picture this car, but with BusinessLogos branding all over it. My BL partner bought me this car, and I love it a lot.

Let's skip the part about WHY it broke down. It just did. And the insurance will pay for it to be fixed, so I'm in the middle of that. I'm proud of State Farm for working with me to get this thing running. The major headache has been finding an honest mechanic that has my best interests in mind. This is like searching for a black cat in a sea of black skunks, as the old saying goes.

So there's that weighing on me. Luckily I have coworkers that are nice and live nearby and drive me to work.

On the home front, Oliver got baptized, and I've been having trouble sleeping. What helps is medication or watching the latest season of Arrested Development. Sorry, it's not as good...and it's not that my expectations were too high. It's that people are acting way out of their established character, and  there's too much focus on my least favorite character and actor, George Sr.

I just unleashed an enormous fart as I was setting up a photo shoot. Too bad the closest co-worker was wearing headphones. I let them know what they missed.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Lil Kim Get It Crunk

I rock on with my bad self cause it's a must 
I blow past hoes tell 'em 'Eat my dust'

Cause um, I gets busy with my bad a**

Straight from Brook-lawn, Vietnam, Baghdad

Cause I'm a get you high like that stick-icky one time

One verse from the Queen is like sniffin' a line

Higher than a fever, ya best believe her

This young viva senorita flow tighter than a two-seater

Lyrical murderer, I'm servin' these haters like a waitress

Back to the basics

I got the game in a chokehold, better take a No-Doze

I rock ruff n stuff though they put me in cuffs 
I rock ruff though these punk niggas talk too much 
I'm bringin' things to light but you still can't see me

I flows like the monthly you can't cramp my style

Can't take the pain here's a Motrin child

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Carl and the Quest for True Love

I'm Carl. I just purchased a Dell. it is now time for me to search the internet for a suitable companion, since I am unhappily married and still extremely handsome!

Please, eHarmony. Find someone worthy of my love, if such a woman exists.

Bingo! Daddy like!

Prince Watson, please reaffirm this woman's beauty. Am I hallucinating, or have I come across Venus, the goddess of love in the space of 20 minutes?

This lovely creature you have found possesses the kind of beauty that changes lives.  The dance move picture filled me with emotion, and proves to me there is a God that loves us.

Carl, you must do this right. Don't message her...the computer has a tendency to befoul meaning and twist intention. Instead, send her a handwritten note proclaiming your love, brimming with poetry and dulcet verbiage. That's right, on paper. No, the 80-lb. linen is better.

Almost for the poetry...

Aiiirrghh!  Why won't the words come?!

GggrrrgghhI've got it!
Prince Watson, come here. I need you. Wait, is that

Peek-a-Boo, readers of this blog. 

"Roses are red, Violets are blue. When I get you home I'm gonna.."

This not only makes no sense, it is horrendously offensive. This will never work as a declaration of love.

Your butt isn't going to work with my boot up in it!

And don't YOU start neither!

I must change tactics. I'll just message her on the website. I should act quickly, though...

She responded! Happiest of days! And it says she's looking for an overly aggressive, indecisively dressed man!

You hear that? We are through!

To be continued...

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Chet the Vet

Maybe Chet leave. Doctor never coming to fix Chet's hand.
Chet like office, though. Noone see what Chet finds in beard. 

*RING* Hi, This Chet. Me Doctor today.

A what?! OK, sure, Chet meet you in white room. 

Dog puking, and no doctors! What Chet supposed to do?

Jeeves, how Chet fix dog puking?

Yes, this dog. Dog sick? Chet doctor. Chet fix dog. 

What you feed dog? You check dog bum? You get Chet sandwich? Chet check dog bum.

Dog bum filthy. Chet clean out with finger.

Why you puke dog? 

Tell Chet why puke...

Dog stupid. Chet give dog antiemetics and recommend boiled potatoes and rice to nice man. Chet real doctor today!

Maybe Chet go to human doctor.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

I'm Up For Whatever - User Profile DaHotni$$69

I am an 24-year old blond African-American bootylicious honey looking for  a sugar daddy.

So you know, I'm not trying to be like everyone else along dat post half nekkid pictures of myself
and rite all the crazy freaky stuff we goan git to on our first date. 

I got my own condo and I like gettin food, some drinks, maybe hit up the bar scene, just
see what we in the mood for. 

Truly!? Last two guys I found here were gay. One realized it, one had notta clue but OMG was he flamin. However, please, if there be any HETEROmales out their searching for a curvy, fun, friendly young gal, and you are dead certain that you are straight, write me lol, I am needing a man who knows how to appreciate the female form and knows exactly what to do with it...
I'm a ckup and I like knowin all sorts of different people. Way too young for settlin down, so please dont ixpect a relatiomship.  Want someone who has their stuff together, but def wants a carefree and adventurus woman. 
As you can see I stay in shape so I can hit the clubs and if you a whiteboy who cant dance then
maybe I aint the honey you be lookin for. 

This dance move be da wackness! I can do it standin or sittin! 
Whattup dawg?

What you see is what you git but what you git is 10x more than what you see.
 I am a very cool laid back person, I loveeeeee to laugh n have fun, don't really like ppl that r stuck n serious about everything, life is to short to b unhappy (always remember wen u think u have it bad some1 has it worst than u). This is me chillin in front if the yogurt place, chekin my tweets.
People say I look like Naomi Campbell or Zoe Saldana. 
I'm a scorpio, I luv kids but have non of my own. I dislike ppl that lie I hate it! I also dislike ignorant small minded ppl, I keep it real 99% of the time (hey nobody is perfect) n hopefully u r da same.

Stop looking for the perfect person u will never find that but find the 1 that is perfect 4 u. U May be hatin on my hatz but it keepz the sun off, yo. 

My girl LeShwanda and me rockin the matching shirts. She got bit by
a rotweiler and died in her mans kitchen. Peace Love 4evah girlfriend.....
N e ting else u want to no msg me. Muahzzzz