Monday, December 22, 2008


After eating a delicious dinner with Nanette, Sherri, and Joel's family on Saturday, I was invited to go to a Neil Diamond concert. I raised the following objections:
1) I would have to listen to Neil Diamond sing
2) I would be surrounded by people who paid money to go to a Neil Diamond concert.

Eventually, I was convinced that a free Neil Diamond concert was better than sitting around at home, so soon I found myself in the Energy Solutions Arena, looking down at the vast stage that held separate moving platforms filled with Neil, the Neilettes, the horn section, 2 percussion sections, a keyboardist, and a lone dude with a guitar, all by his lonesome on his own platform.

Many of my N-word cousins were in attendance. Nan, Nina, Norene, Neva, Novocain, Nomsbane, and Nelda. I hadn't seen Nelda in many years, so I kept yelling Hello to her. I don't think she recognized me.

During the song "You Don't Bring Me Cigarettes", The Neilster found himself in a solitary spotlight at a cafe table, with a rose and a plate of scrambled eggs. The dude at my 8:00 began singing hoarsely and crying. I wanted to pat him on the back and say "there, there" and then punch him in the crotch with all the strength I could muster.

After all is said and done, I would have to say that a free Neil was better than sitting at home. I went home and made a t-shirt, because I didn't want to spend $35.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Will Work For Food

Let's cleanse the palette mentally after that last post, shall we? Here's our youngest dictating a letter to Santa to our oldest:

Dear Santa, my name is Oliver. I have been a super cute and good boy. I want...
• a pony
• Noodles that I can eat
• Candy cane that I can eat
• a toy Jerry the Mouse
• Popsicle that I can eat
• String cheese that I can eat
• PB & J sandwich that I can eat too
• basketball
• pencil to play with
• cereal

I love you,

Apparently, we don't feed him enough.

My favorite 6 minutes of 2007 was watching him enjoy the new mp3 player on Christmas morning. I havent seen him play with it since then, but his glee with a new musical toy that was TOTALLY ALL HIS OWN more than makes up for his occasional tantrums and moods. Hopefully, he'll be just as excited on his new pony.

We told him to draw himself on the letter, but he wanted to draw Santa. You can tell it's him, cause he's got a beard.
They say men think about sex once every seven seconds. That's not true, but ever since I saw the digital drumset at my friend Jason's house, I've thought about it about that much. Not sex with it, but playing it, caressing it, maybe a little smooching. He said he'd sell them to me for $300.

It's looking like I might be able to buy them. Ever since Mandi agreed, I've been doing this.

This video is courtesy of Scottie V.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Said are you ready to dance

I went to English Beat last night with Joel. It was a beautiful thing, but kind of bittersweet to see just one original member left of an awesome band that's been around for 30 years. Dave Wakeland was in top form. He still had his original guitar.

I danced hard, but did no damage to my heart.

Joel, for the first time ever, neglected to bring something to write the playlist down with, so I took notes on my phone. There were two I didnt recognize, but I guessed at the title. Here you go, Joel.

Whine and Grine/Stand Down Margaret
Hands Off Shes Mine
Twist and Crawl
Tears of a Clown
Ruff Rider
Two Swords
Cant Get Used To Losing You
I'll (something)
Kiss From a Stranger
I Confess
Ranking Full Stop
Mirror in the Bathroom
Click Click
Save (something)
End of the Party