Tuesday, June 25, 2013

We bought a car

I got a new car. It is a Honda Accord. It is the color of the shading on a painting of Jemaine (the crotchal region). 

Today Mandoo asked me to do a flier for a campout thing where they will be serving tinfoil dinners. So I made this. It was well-received. 

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

The Show Must Go On

Hi, I'm Bev and welcome to Extreme Makeover: Birdhouses. 

Today we're discussing what kind of birdhouse furniture gets a thumbs down from me. 
Hold on, guys...I need to make a doody. Actually, lets just keep filming....we can do this with the just the top half of me, right? Bring that camera in here, there's room!

Ooh, this is going to be a doozy. 

I'm predicting a good half-hour on this one, and here I am with no Reader's Digest.
I apologize, camera crew. 

Is this a whisker? 
Maybe I can just push and get it all out at once. 

No, I don't want to blow an O-ring. I must have patience.

So many emotions

It smells like a dragon's septic tank, with a  little bit of mustard

OK, now where were we? 

Man Quiz with Bonus Question and Test Result Calculator

Some of you may be wondering if you are as manly as Paul Browning. I've put together a little quiz to verify that you're not. 

When spotting an attractive female, the first question that enters your mind is:
 A. How can I introduce myself?
B. I wish my mom had a pair of legs like that.
C. I wish she was mine. I will build a trap.
D. Did I design that t-shirt?
Your body hair could best be described as:
A. Feathery
B. Unchecked
C. Over-described
D. Vast, majestic and flowing as the amber waves of grain upon our nation's heartland.

The wildest thing you've ever done with a lady is:
A. Sent her an email with no Subject Line
B. Kissing at gunpoint.
C. Losing a shoe on the Gravitron at Orem Summerfest.
D. Massaged her at a Harry Connick Jr. concert.

Your Halloween costumes consist of:
A. Saved by The Bell actors' and actresses' tributes.
B. A t-shirt that says something about how you couldn't find a costume.
C. A wig.
D. Different ways to showcase your beard. 
Your sleepwear consists of:
A. Underwear
B. An underwire bra and an apron.
C. Nothing
D. A deer-festooned ill-fitting one-piece nighty with a trapdoor for pooping. 

You injure yourself:
A. Once weekly, doing un-manly things
B. Once a month, mostly papercuts and cat tickling.
C. Thrice monthly, with a machete you insist on using instead of scissors.
D. Twice daily, but only your left thumb.

Test Completed

Bonus Question:
The only times tears escape your eyes is:
A. When you're feeling melancholy or need your diaper changed.
B. working too close to a sweaty Larry.
C. If Joel gives you a bluebird nightlight for your birthday.
D. Good music, a good speech, or lots of other reasons.

Test Result Calculator
If you answered mostly As, then you are not cool. 
If you answered mostly Bs, then you should go jump in a lake. 
If you answered mostly Cs, then there may be trouble in the Middle East. 
If you answered mostly Ds, then you are almost as manly as Paul Browning. Keep trying, love will find a way! 

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Billy and Frank and Words With Friends

I'm an online letters and words game! Wanna play?
This looks like it could be interesting. I've always been good with lettters. 

Yay, Billy find game! M-U-N-G-O

Huh. 23 points, huh? Not bad. G-R-A-N-D

How is this guy 34 points ahead of me? D-O-Z-E-N. That ought to put him in his place. 

Kayson wanna play. 


What in the Sam Hill? W-O-O-L-Y

"Wonderful, elegant, superb"!? What kind of freak is this? 

Frank, you can do this. A 60-point lead can be overcome. You're an editor, for criminy's sake!

B-L-I-N-K-A-R-D. There we go. 



J-A-N-I-Z-A-R-Y. Billy get 74 points! 354-75!

I'd just jab and jab jabjabjabjab until my wrist got tired

Kids, let's go build a treehouse... this guy sucks. 

Billy win!

My quest begins. I will find him. Blood will flow. 

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Attractive Man Comes Clean

Hi. I'm Attractive Man. You may remember me from a earlier post in a rilated blog. What you may not know is that my real name is Joel. That's right. Joel. The guy that co-posts on the Low Qwality Blog.  

It will soon be Fathur's Day. That's my least favrite holiday. I have 3 blond kids that give me crappy presints, because  I give them crappy presints. One year for Cristmas I got them all a VHS tape rewinder. Just one. For them all to share. They got rivenge by getting me a bunch of tiny watch batterys that the cat ate. I didn't care. Their own bad gift hurt their own cat and not me. It didn't die, but it got really bloted and it growns loudly for 18 hours a day. 

To make money for my famly I program on the computer. I know Basic and I think C Plus.  I don't get a lot for that, so when my wife's out I go to my secret job; modling for iStockphoto. Here's one of me being all sexxy.  

I'm home most of the day, so it's my job to get the mail. I call the mailman "Mr. Jollypants" because it looks like he thrusts his hips when he walks.  I kind of keep tabs on the naiberhood and let the cops know if there's suspicius charicters and if there's a cat pooping on my lawn. Yesturday I called 9-1-1 because there was a car that a sticker that said O-BUM-A Stinks. I thought that it was true but still it had a bad word. 

I used to date a triple amputee named Suzan Shupeman. She taught me to scuba dive, but she culdnt swim very good, sicne she only had one leg. She used that leg to point out intresting coral and signal to me and curess my cheek once we had come up. I didn't cair, cause it was still clean from the water. I still have a piece of the wedding dress she made me. 
When I was younger I had a job at McDonalds and I also sold rocks on the side. I also would take pictures of Paul's snot if I saw any and post them on comunity bilboards to see if I got any bites there. Hardly anyone called. 

This is my wife, Anthony. Her hareline reseeded until it dispeerd, but I got lucky. Sometimes I fotoshop myself as a bald guy to make her feel bettir. 

My secrit to my handsomness? I gave a witch $20 and my dream journal to give me looks via a magic spell. I waited nearly a month for it to take affect but boy howdy it did and now I'm the toast of the town. COm on bye and see me in Payson and we'll be freinds like paul and me.