Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Attractive Man Comes Clean

Hi. I'm Attractive Man. You may remember me from a earlier post in a rilated blog. What you may not know is that my real name is Joel. That's right. Joel. The guy that co-posts on the Low Qwality Blog.  

It will soon be Fathur's Day. That's my least favrite holiday. I have 3 blond kids that give me crappy presints, because  I give them crappy presints. One year for Cristmas I got them all a VHS tape rewinder. Just one. For them all to share. They got rivenge by getting me a bunch of tiny watch batterys that the cat ate. I didn't care. Their own bad gift hurt their own cat and not me. It didn't die, but it got really bloted and it growns loudly for 18 hours a day. 

To make money for my famly I program on the computer. I know Basic and I think C Plus.  I don't get a lot for that, so when my wife's out I go to my secret job; modling for iStockphoto. Here's one of me being all sexxy.  

I'm home most of the day, so it's my job to get the mail. I call the mailman "Mr. Jollypants" because it looks like he thrusts his hips when he walks.  I kind of keep tabs on the naiberhood and let the cops know if there's suspicius charicters and if there's a cat pooping on my lawn. Yesturday I called 9-1-1 because there was a car that a sticker that said O-BUM-A Stinks. I thought that it was true but still it had a bad word. 

I used to date a triple amputee named Suzan Shupeman. She taught me to scuba dive, but she culdnt swim very good, sicne she only had one leg. She used that leg to point out intresting coral and signal to me and curess my cheek once we had come up. I didn't cair, cause it was still clean from the water. I still have a piece of the wedding dress she made me. 
When I was younger I had a job at McDonalds and I also sold rocks on the side. I also would take pictures of Paul's snot if I saw any and post them on comunity bilboards to see if I got any bites there. Hardly anyone called. 

This is my wife, Anthony. Her hareline reseeded until it dispeerd, but I got lucky. Sometimes I fotoshop myself as a bald guy to make her feel bettir. 

My secrit to my handsomness? I gave a witch $20 and my dream journal to give me looks via a magic spell. I waited nearly a month for it to take affect but boy howdy it did and now I'm the toast of the town. COm on bye and see me in Payson and we'll be freinds like paul and me. 


Christopher Bigelow said...

Mmm, mmm. This reminds me a little of my old Sugar Beet character Mahonri the Mormon Psychic.

Joel said...

I wondir how yu got my thots out from my hed. I dont even remember poesing for those pichurs. There is hardly any dout that he is me. I think the cigs rolled up in the slieve is what seeled the deil.

mandi said...

Joel ur an exalent speler.

You are hott and then some more hottt. Cigs are such a turn-on.

You remind me of someone else. Are you related to Bruce Browning?

Your hair. Is good. I like the different styles that you employ. Usually you go with greasy and parted, but sometimes it's dry and down, like when you're kissing your hairless wife. Jealousy.

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