Thursday, April 28, 2011

Half-smile shelf-gut stone-arms

This dude at HP walks around without moving his arms and a half smile on his face. I just went into the bathroom and it was pitch black. The motion sensor sensed me and turned the lights back on. Half-smile woke up and got out of his stall.

It takes a half-hour of no movement for the lights to turn off.

That must have been an epic dook he was taking.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Animal Illustration Wednesday - Assassin Cats

I think this counts for Random Illustration Tuesday, too, because it's not a logo, and it's fairly random.

"I need some assassin kitties for a website" Matt H.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Animal Logo Wednesday - Red Panda with Froze Yoge

I don't know why this company decided to use a Red Panda as their mascot. Red Pandas hardly ever eat frozen yogurt. Their diet consists of about two-thirds bamboo, but they also eat mushrooms, roots, acorns, lichen, and grasses. They may eat also small mammals and birds.

I'd pay good money to see a Red Panda catch and eat a bird. They're really slow, so I guess they have to catch it when it's asleep.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Random Illustration Tuesday - Tadpole Meltdown

"A mutant tadpole is being mocked by the normal tadpoles, but the normal tadpoles are in for a surprise...he's got his finger on the "meltdown" button of a nuclear reactor."

Monday, April 11, 2011

Continuation of my Quest for Answers

Hi there Paul,

I hope you enjoyed the sample reading I sent you yesterday.

I've been looking a little deeper at your numerology chart
Paul, and here is what I have found:
I see you floating in a sea of endless time - great vistas and a feeling of lifetimes behind and ahead of you. I get the feeling of urgency with you Paul, things that must be done, lessons that must be experienced. I sense the rhythm of life, the cycles we all experience.

Paul, you have had a few worries recently about money, but you know you have the power to solve them. While it's been a bit of a bumpy ride financially these past couple of years, the
next 18 months or so will be a lot easier.

I sense a period early on in your life - teenage years perhaps - when you felt misunderstood, as if you couldn't really get close to anyone, as it you are walking on the outside of life. These
feelings very occasionally reoccur.

Paul, you have sometimes wondered if you have made the right decisions at times, and it looks as if you have. You work best when you make your own mind up on things, though it is useful to ask other people for advice before you make your own mind up.

I can see you happy and productive in your old age, surrounded by friends and family. You are of above average intelligence, and will keep on learning all the way through life.

Paul, this is just the smallest glimpse of what numerology can show you about your past, your present, and your future. I have something truly exciting I'd like to share with you, where you can get a "sneak peak" into the surprising future that awaits you:


Yours in Numbers,

Dear Blair "5367-1234" McNumberinson,

I hope you enjoyed the offer that my colleague, Joel, has prepared for you. Have you given any thought to that? Your email didn't even mention it.

I don't know how you knew that I had had some worries recently about money. It's true that I was trying to decide yesterday whether or not to get a polish dog at Costco. If I used the credit card, Mandi would know I had shopped at Costco on Sunday, and I didn't have quite enough change to get it. Plus it would stink up the car with farty polish-spices, and she would be able to discern pretty quickly that I had spent Sunday School getting my dog on. But you probably knew all this, based on the numbers in the date and time of this email.

And how did you know about that period of misunderstandedness that I experienced during my teen years? I hardly told anyone about that! It's absolutely true that there were a few times growing up when I felt like noone understood me. Well, my cat, Dorin, did. She always knew just what to say. I think she died of cancer or was killed by a car. I can't remember. Any glimpse of that from my numbers?

Regarding your kind offer to let me buy a further in-depth reading of my numbers:
I think I'm good for now, since you gave me such clarity with this and the previous 5 emails. It's obvious you know what you're doing, since all the things you said about me were spot-on. I might be looking for a job soon, at which time I will email you to give me advice. I hope you're honest and straightforward and don't steer the conversation towards any business venture you or your colleagues have going at the time.

Yours numerically,

P.S. Remember Blair from Facts of Life? She got all the cute boys. I hope you get cute romantic entanglements as well.

Changing my Life with Numbers and Annoying Emails

Hi Paul,

This is Blair Gorman, from

Paul, you have a very interesting numerology chart! Based on your date of birth (February 2, 1973), along with your name as given at birth (paul alex browning), your numerology chart tells you that:

- Your 'Life Path' is *6*
- Your 'Expression' is *5*
- Your 'Soul Urge' is *7*

This is indeed a very unique combination of numbers!

To learn what these numbers mean, and what they say about your personality and your future, go to the link enclised in this email.

Yours in Numbers,
Blair Gorman

Dear Professor Gorman,

That gets my "numerical unit" skyrocketing into the stratosphere, numerically speaking.

Yours in 2420-1,
Paul Browning


Hi Paul,

Have I got something special for you today.

Are you ready for this?

They NEVER did this before.

And chances are they will never do it again.

My trusted colleagues Steve G. Jones and Mike Litman offer a best selling Life Coaching certification course.

This certification course retails for $675. You can verify this at the following site:
( but do not purchase there because you'll pay full price.

As a thank you for being a loyal subscriber, I have arranged for you to enroll today for the ridiculously low price of just $27!

To your success,

Blair Gorman

P.S. This is incredible and shocking.

Dear Professor Numbers,

No need for the P.S., I already know it's shocking that someone you're affiliated with is trying to sell an implausible product.

That reminds me, Blair Gorman, I have a feeling you need some socks. I have more than 20 pairs (not 23, don't worry) of many colors and sizes. Most of them are for size 10 foot or larger. I'm willing to sell you some...wait. Hold on.

This is coocoo-bananas.

My friend Joel (that lives in the grey house) has been talking to me about your incredible numbering system, and has been talking about hooking you up with his Foot Counseling System for a low, low price. He looks at your foot (or you can send a photo or drawing) and he tells you what the future holds for YOU.

He wants to give you a deal. He's not done this fact, I've known him to sometimes OVERcharge for his foot counseling services. But not this time. Give me your home address, credit card number, and foot size and I'll send you the offer PLUS a catalog of his foot-based offerings.

Paul Browning

Friday, April 08, 2011

Random Illustration Friday Since I Was Too Busy On Tuesday-Junko Camaro

"I want Junko to be driving a purple Camaro (the new style) that is abundantly adorned with Hello Kitty paraphernalia. Her hair is flowing in the wind as she speeds through a Fourth of July parade. Sigourney Weaver is looking on at the shenanigans with a mixture of shock and anger - mostly because she didn't come up with the idea herself."

Here you go, Sasha. I'm not drawing a Fourth of July Parade, though.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011