Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Not a Paid Actor, Just a Paid Liar

Through a random series of events, I was able to make some quick easy cash on Tuesday. And I just had to spout adoring loyalty to something I hate more than most anything: an MLM business! For about a minute, I was filmed talking about how I gained financial independence through Synergy. Am I taking vacations now that before I could only dream about? Hells yeah!

The best part was at the end, when I finally got the lines right, I was then asked to add a "knowing smile" to the end of the sentence, letting the world know that it was my oyster and I was about to crap piles of benjamins on it. But my smile was too sexy. In take after take, I would say "...that before I could only DREAM about!" and give this half smile/sneer that was too bedroomy-simmering for an MLM audience to handle. Those that know me are aware that it's very difficult for me to tone down the sexy, but I think I finally got it.

Of course I'll be posting the video for all to enjoy once I can get my hands on it. In the meantime, you can enjoy a clip from a movie dealing with this very subject, so you can get an idea of how it went. You can see more clips here.

Friday, August 08, 2008

My Dad

I don't usually like to talk about my dad, but he really irritated me today.

He calls me today on my cell at my absolute busiest time of the day (the morning). I ignore it, because I'm busy, and plus, it's my dad.

He calls me at 3:30 in the afternoon, which is usually more calm, workwise, but today I had 11 hours of work scheduled, with 4 more projects I had to do before I left. SO again, I dont answer it. He calls immediately afterwards. I think "Shoot. Maybe it's an emergency or good news, like he's on fire". So I pick up.

The only thing he needed to say: "Can you scan in 2 documents for me and email them to me?"

What he really DID say: One(1) hour of bullcrap about email, technology, his wife, Xiana, his kid, his computer, the people he has talked to recently, and how he stayed at my 2nd cousin's house for 3 days. I actually had something to contribute to the conversation at that point, but years of experience have taught me that there's no way to get in a word edgewise once he gets talking. Even if you do manage to say something whilst having a "conversation" with him, you run the real risk of heading his train of thought down a another, even more tedious track.

You can see why we don't answer the phone when he calls.

Sometimes I just put the phone down and get some work done, sometimes picking up and saying "wow" and "you betcha" to give him the idea that someone is actually following his diatribe about the state of humankind.

Heaven smiled on me, because my cell battery conked out in the middle of an "uh-huh". I had retained the vital information which was that I should call him when I am ready for him to come over.

Well, come 6:00 while I was watching Mad Men, he shows up without calling, towing his wife and kid (it seems like they're perpetually stuck to him) and asks that I do his scanning for him. (Interesting sidenote: I said we'd have to scan his hard copy in to send it overseas, and he wondered aloud why it would help to read it through quickly. I got to educate him on what most people mean by "scan").

The one good thing was that after the scanning was done (20 minutes, as opposed to the 30 seconds it would have taken if I had been alone) I got to take him upstairs and show him how to play Rock Band.

Technology befuddles and awes him, so it was fun to watch his wondrous glances at his wife as he witnessed Isabel, Alex and Me rock the HOUSE on Dani California. We let Moshi (their kid) play, but since he's legally retarded thanks to their parenting, he didnt do too well.

People deal with weird parents all the time. I'm glad I wasn't raised by Joel's Dugald or some coked-out party girl, so I can't complain too much. I just need to remember to stop answering the phone when he calls. Laura, Dorth, if Dad dies or something, call me and let me know, ok?

It has finally arrived

Through years of extensive research and sweat, scientist have finally found something that is gayer than the book "Twilight"

Monday, August 04, 2008

What You Should Be Reading Instead of Twilight

If you're over 14, that is.

In Alan Moore's The Watchmen, the characters have moral dilemmas, not "OMG, I hope he's my b/f 4evr" issues, but gut-wrenching, soul-bending dilemmas that make you really question whether the characters are justified in their decisions. Holy crap, this is a good book. And it will be a movie in March.

If you can't get past the fact that it's a graphic novel, then go read Interview With The Vampire at least. Now there's a vampire novel.