Friday, August 08, 2008

My Dad

I don't usually like to talk about my dad, but he really irritated me today.

He calls me today on my cell at my absolute busiest time of the day (the morning). I ignore it, because I'm busy, and plus, it's my dad.

He calls me at 3:30 in the afternoon, which is usually more calm, workwise, but today I had 11 hours of work scheduled, with 4 more projects I had to do before I left. SO again, I dont answer it. He calls immediately afterwards. I think "Shoot. Maybe it's an emergency or good news, like he's on fire". So I pick up.

The only thing he needed to say: "Can you scan in 2 documents for me and email them to me?"

What he really DID say: One(1) hour of bullcrap about email, technology, his wife, Xiana, his kid, his computer, the people he has talked to recently, and how he stayed at my 2nd cousin's house for 3 days. I actually had something to contribute to the conversation at that point, but years of experience have taught me that there's no way to get in a word edgewise once he gets talking. Even if you do manage to say something whilst having a "conversation" with him, you run the real risk of heading his train of thought down a another, even more tedious track.

You can see why we don't answer the phone when he calls.

Sometimes I just put the phone down and get some work done, sometimes picking up and saying "wow" and "you betcha" to give him the idea that someone is actually following his diatribe about the state of humankind.

Heaven smiled on me, because my cell battery conked out in the middle of an "uh-huh". I had retained the vital information which was that I should call him when I am ready for him to come over.

Well, come 6:00 while I was watching Mad Men, he shows up without calling, towing his wife and kid (it seems like they're perpetually stuck to him) and asks that I do his scanning for him. (Interesting sidenote: I said we'd have to scan his hard copy in to send it overseas, and he wondered aloud why it would help to read it through quickly. I got to educate him on what most people mean by "scan").

The one good thing was that after the scanning was done (20 minutes, as opposed to the 30 seconds it would have taken if I had been alone) I got to take him upstairs and show him how to play Rock Band.

Technology befuddles and awes him, so it was fun to watch his wondrous glances at his wife as he witnessed Isabel, Alex and Me rock the HOUSE on Dani California. We let Moshi (their kid) play, but since he's legally retarded thanks to their parenting, he didnt do too well.

People deal with weird parents all the time. I'm glad I wasn't raised by Joel's Dugald or some coked-out party girl, so I can't complain too much. I just need to remember to stop answering the phone when he calls. Laura, Dorth, if Dad dies or something, call me and let me know, ok?


Joel said...

The word on the grapevine is that Dugald's new wife can't stand him. Weird.

One time when I was 10, Dugald was beating all textures, colors and scents of crap out of me and he paused to ask if I wanted more.

Dugald made us dress in our Sunday best when we would go out for fancy-time dinner at Sizzler.

Dugald wouldn't let me and my sister have sleep-overs together when we were little because he was concerned about hanky panky.

I heard that Dugald is working on an auto-biography. It sounds noteworthy.

Joel said...

You can delete this comment, Paul.

heidi said...

I'm scared of Dugald.

That was super funny Paul. Gary and I thoroughly enjoyed.

Prilla said...

With Mandi's post about your mom, and now your post about your dad. I truly know why you are the way you are. But we love the way you are, so I guess having weird parents is ok.

Montgomery Q said...

It seems like a simple enough question, Joel. Did you want some more?

Joel's Other Sister said...

Oh goodie! Can I join in on our parent (that term is used very loosely) bashing?

Dugald told me (in nicer words) that all girls are whores. Then he told me that all guys like girls with blond hair and tight clothes so I should dye my hair blond and get new tighter clothes.

I darkened my hair and to this day still wear loose fitting clothes.

Dugald wouldn't let Joel sleep over at my apartment because he was worried about hanky panky between us.

Joel and I have often mused that we should write a book called "Adventures with Dugald."

nan said...

Hummmm...For some reason, I feel like your dad and my mom are related somehow...

Rand & Pam said...

Why do people drone on and on? Don't they have a clue? So funny! Thanks for answering the phone when I call. I feel privileged. I'll try to remember to be quick and not take too much time.

Nate and Kelly said...

Moshi Moshi... Annyong.


Paul- Just wait till ur older, and being even more strange(I know that is a stretch to imagine)and wanting help, with all ur quirks...Even tho ur quirks are hot.!! of course

Larry and CIndy said...

Paul, that is such a funny story!!!
You and I could have a decade long talk about our fathers. Mine is, my juvenile deliquest father and the bigger pervert on this earth so please know you are not alone and once in a while I go see him in the nursing home even though I don't really want to!!! He is a mess so I can relate!!!Love Ya, Aunt Cindy (who clams to be normal but we all know about that)

tiff said...

funny story all i have to say is i think everyone has issues with their parents. lol

Dorth said...

That's why I don't answer the phone when it's him, I can't deal with that anymore. Too bad that his feeling are hurt. I saw on CNN today that the older a father is when he has a kid the more likely the kid is to have bipolar disorder! We already knew there is a higher risk of autism. So Moshi is screwed! Watch out for his bipolarness....