Thursday, February 22, 2007

Why I Love Life

I was sitting at Burger King with 4 coworkers just now. An old man came up and began talking to us. He acted like we were old buddies, and we were very willing to sit and listen to an old guy. In fact, I would seriously like it if this happened at every lunch, cause you just sit back and enjoy. He commented on how I'm the one guy that doesnt have a date, even though none of us were dating or married to each other. He said, "Hey Blondie, you've got some earrings. How much does a pirate charge for earrings? A buccaneer. What do you get if a duck flies upside down? He quacks up. Hey, this guy looks like he's quacking up. He's a real quacker...." etc. It was fun.

Towards the end of his monologue, he talked about his sick kids in Costa Rica that he has to support with no job. So I bought 4 pages of his jokes from him for $2. He was also selling a book he wrote about railroads. Its worth it, because now I have something to show Mandi. I wish she had been there.

Joke Number Four: Did you hear about the Scotsman that lost his chewing gum in a chicken coop? He thought he found it twice. YUK!

Each joke has a unique spelling style and a fun little explanation or commentary at the end. Here's a sampling of the endings o the jokes, because they're the most entertaining part.

"And they all walked out."

"It hard to out wit a Scotsman."

"patterns don't always follow along."

"'Poof' There they were with disappointment on their faces."

"The pallbearers were so startled they dropped the casket and ran away"

"Actually, the main reason I have a map of Texas is because it goes along well with story or joke number nine."

"Apparently the spinster wanted three husbands."

The opening preamble to the Collection of Jokes encourages the reader to "Have a good belly laugh" which is what I did. I want to do this when I get old. He ruled so hard it hurts.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Sometimes I like to click Next Blog

Because it makes me feel like I'm sniffing the anus of the world. Sizing people up, seeing what's out there. Looking for things of interest. Where has this person been? What have they been eating?

Wait, that's not his ane!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

I've Crossed the Line

For a long time, I've used this blog as a chance to vent about frustrating things and make friends laugh. At times, it's served a great purpose, like letting people know how Oliver is, or updating family and friends on my life. But too many times, it's been me letting inner a**hole take over and try to get some laughs.

I won't be blogging anymore. I don't know how to filter myself enough yet. I've posted some pretty idiotic things that were hurtful and unfair (and re-reading it, not even close to funny). I sincerely apologise to anyone offended.

Hopefully this will help me learn to be a better person. It's a step, I guess.