Monday, December 22, 2008

Neil



After eating a delicious dinner with Nanette, Sherri, and Joel's family on Saturday, I was invited to go to a Neil Diamond concert. I raised the following objections:
1) I would have to listen to Neil Diamond sing
2) I would be surrounded by people who paid money to go to a Neil Diamond concert.

Eventually, I was convinced that a free Neil Diamond concert was better than sitting around at home, so soon I found myself in the Energy Solutions Arena, looking down at the vast stage that held separate moving platforms filled with Neil, the Neilettes, the horn section, 2 percussion sections, a keyboardist, and a lone dude with a guitar, all by his lonesome on his own platform.

Many of my N-word cousins were in attendance. Nan, Nina, Norene, Neva, Novocain, Nomsbane, and Nelda. I hadn't seen Nelda in many years, so I kept yelling Hello to her. I don't think she recognized me.

During the song "You Don't Bring Me Cigarettes", The Neilster found himself in a solitary spotlight at a cafe table, with a rose and a plate of scrambled eggs. The dude at my 8:00 began singing hoarsely and crying. I wanted to pat him on the back and say "there, there" and then punch him in the crotch with all the strength I could muster.

After all is said and done, I would have to say that a free Neil was better than sitting at home. I went home and made a t-shirt, because I didn't want to spend $35.

10 comments:

Emilee . . . said...

I was taken to a Neil Diamond concert a couple years ago. What was even more troubling than the audience being a 50/50 mixture of old people and young people (young people like Neil Diamond?!) was that Neil Diamond (attempts to) dances. It was one of the grossest things my poor eyes have ever seen.

nan said...

Hey! You rocked the diamond? My mother would be jealous.

nan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
nan said...

...by the way, that was my semi-retarded sisters mostly retarded boyfriends half retarded brother.

Joel said...

That shirt is unlikely. That cake Nan made for me was good, huh? Your nostril was not bad, too.

Boy Mom said...

Hilarious! I may be able to top it though. Mama Mia, live, in Las Vegas... never mind, you still win.
"September Morn", beats "Fernando"!

Montgomery Q said...

Cinnamon Gravy! Zazzle cancelled my t-shirt order, saying it violated celebrity privacy laws!

I'll have to make it through my other source...

Joel said...

Zazzle! Bah! I'm through with them.

CARRIE "THE FABULOUS" said...

song sung blue...............now sing it paul!!

Sherri said...

Great Neil artwork.