Wednesday, June 04, 2014

The MontgomeryQ Necktie Glam-Porium Neck-Stravaganza

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Have you been naughty? or Nice? Doesn't matter. Santa has come out of his Gay CLoset of Shame to remind you he has no right to judge deviant behavior and will spice up every holiday occassion you bring him to.  $12.99.

Moderately used. This cow-tie holds extra value to those south of the border due to its sombrero content. $29.

Probably the most pleatiest of ties you'll ever find. Heavily used. What secret smells will its folds release. Find out now  for $35.

Are you a weird-looking lesbian with weird-looking clothes and cats and living room decorations? I think my neighbor was, growing up. She had a garage sale every week and sometimes I considered bringing a respirator or other source of oxygen when I went to her house to collect fast offerings because of the smell of her living room. She would buy this tie-thing and wear it, I bet. $1.

If you are planning on using this tie to start up conversations with college coeds and then use a syringe to deliver the sedative and kidnap them, I hope you burn in hell. Also good for Egyptologists. $30

Chick magnet. It's colorful and lengthy, and the patterns defy description and repel, forcing the eye upward to your beard, where the deal is sealed. Never mind, I'm not selling this.

Hookahs are things that zero indian people and dumb american people that think they're neat gather round to smoke hashish with or anything else that can put in that bottom part. It's pretty neat, when you think about it. Can I touch my mouth to this moist metal straw that the unhygienic masses have been suckling? This tie has all the taboo, and none of the after-effects and retardation of senses. Get it now for $5.


Joel said...

Dear all of my closest friends,
I found a new website on the internet and it is full of awesome ties that you can LITERALLY BUY. It's called Montgomery Q - The Saga (name doesn't make me think of ties. Am I missing something?) and there are at LEAST 7 ties to choose from. Click HERE to browse (maybe I get a discount for referrals) and tell them I sent you. Happy future tie-ownership!

mandi said...

Hello website? I would like to get my husband a tie for our 20th anniversary. Something that says, "I might stick around for longer, if you play your cards right." What would you recommend?

P.S. Joel sent me.