Tuesday, November 08, 2005

My Plans for World Domination

Since noone reads this blog but trusted friends and lovers, I can finally disclose the scheme I have been developing to make the world a better place. With all the required elements in place, I am ready to begin.

Twenty-seven years from now, the world will be a place so different from the current norm that the very thought of what is now our present existence will make you physically ill. Where there is now toil and misery, there will be new luxuries and technologies, new trends and tastes, and a completely new world power - PaulBrowning.

Maybe that's not correct to say it in that way. Not A world power. What I meant by that was that I would be THE world power. I will stand uncontested and unquestioned as the head of the Globular Commonwealth of Humans, and whatever I deem law is law - whatever I deem illegal or punishable is punished and corrected. Of course, such utter domination does not come easily. I have a complex plan, beginning with the graduation of Oliver, my son, from high school, that will faultlessly lead me to supreme world power.

You see, I've already begun preparing for my life of conquest and rule. Of course I've been spending a lot of time ordering people around in my household so I'll be ready when I get to the top, but I've also been preparing for my rise to power. For eleven years now, I've been working long hours at countless schmoe jobs, and stashing every spare penny I can sneak from the wife in the bank. I have learned of people's foibles and wishes from scrubbing their undersides at a facility for the mentally handicapped. I have taken their orders and money in the dead of night at Sconecutter. I have monitored their water resources and taught their children. I know the human heart and mind inside and out.

Once my youngest son enters college, I will have my name legally changed to Mike Ball, which also happens to be the name of a well established SCUBA diver and marine expeditionist. My next move will be to contact every large corporation and billionaire in America under my new diver persona, and pitch to them an expedition which I will head to find a sunken ship the was sunken by a storm =while transporting billions in gold ingots. "This expedition will require substantial funding," I will explain and I have not the means to fund it. After promising more than a full return to every ont of the get-rich-quick schemer who hands over a check, I will buy a compound in Somalia and purchase a large amount of arms and hire as many local militia groups as possible from the surrounding countries.

Part II of the plan will follow in 2 days. Make your plans accordingly....

1 comment:

Christopher Bigelow said...

I like kitties.