Sunday, January 29, 2012

Huge Halloween Treat Bowl Becomes Best Friend

A couple months ago I had what I thought was an extreme reaction to a bad polish dog at Costco. I couldn't move my head without throwing up. It went away after 2 nightmarish days, but now I'm thinking maybe it wasn't the dog.

A couple days ago I started having symptoms of a stomach flu, which didn't really surprise me, since Oliver has been sick, and so has Maddie. Dizziness and an extremely overhelpful digestive system.

Now I'm fine except for the one thing: my balance. I move my head, just a little, and I have to wait a minute for the world to stop spinning. It's a tiny bit irritating, especially since Ive always had the agility of a puma riding on the back of Batman. Now, every time I get up I feel like this guy.

My sister the nurse says it's a problem with crystals being misaligned in my ear balancing mechanism. The roller-coaster ride thing inside my ear that makes it so I can balance is called I think clefs. I call them dickheads. I have to coach them with tough love sometimes. "ok, I'm turning over...I'm going to be on my right side, laying down now, lets see if you dickheads can keep up."

Dorth came over Saturday with a laptop to take me through a re-balancing exercise she's seen doctors do. It's a procedure you can find on the internet, and I'll take you through the steps.

Step 1: Start in your bedroom, or use your living room couch if your bedroom is too messy to let your sister in.

Step 2: Start laying on the side that makes you most dizziest. Remain in that position for 20 seconds.

Step 3: Call for your Halloween Pumpkin bowl and puke into it. If kids are watching, lessen the trauma by including your vomiting retches into your conversation.

Step 4: Go back to the position and stay there for 5 minutes.

Step 5: Every 5 minutes switch into different positions with your head hanging over the side of your couch at different angles. This makes gravity push the weirdness in your loopys into the right place.

Step 6: At the end you're supposed to feel better. I did for about 2 minutes, then I vomited again.

I puked twice more yesterday, and I still feel dizzy today. So maybe the doctor has another idea on Monday.


Dorothy said...

K, it was a try. We always send the patient home after so I guess i never actually knew if it worked, but it was fun, right? There is medication out there that will help, so the doctor can do that.

Montgomery Q said...

It WAS a try, and I appreciate. I think I'll try the procedure again today, just for giggles. The idea seems sound.

Joel's Other Sister said...

Wow! That's sounds like a really cool disorder or sickness or something. I just get the flu or a cold. Nothing as neat as that. Lucky!

Montgomery Q said...

It's kinda like a superpower, yes.

Montgomery Q said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joel said...

You should design a logo for your cape!

susan said...

Crystal Cleft Man not to be confused with Crystal Meth Man.

You seemed less dizzy last night And no Halloween treat bowl so that's good!