Monday, May 08, 2006

One-Legged Man

Saturday, I told Mandi that I was going to cobblestone the back of the garage. I've been meaning to do that since I moved in 3 years ago. She didnt believe me. So I went over to this guy's house that is the son of the guy that lived there and had probably watched his dad do the cobblestoning on the front to ask him how to do it. His name is Craig, and he has one leg. He told me how he lost it, but I forgot. He is 59 years old and has 2 hours worth of material to discuss on any topic you could imagine. He's kind of a weird guy. Talkative and demanding, large and pasty. Long white stringy hair. He told me that after he had open heart surgery he would sit on the front porch of my house with no shirt and a huge chest scar and short shorts and a leg stump and watch the neighborhood kids play in the yard. Even though I liked the guy, the mental image gave me goosebumps.

He lives 2 doors down from me in a small basement apartment. I said I was going to Home Depot to get the supplies for this project and he said "Hell, I'll come with you" So I came back and picked him up. He insisted on stopping at Carl's Jr on the way, and made the front of my van messy with his droppings. He took great pride in the fact that he was good buddies with all the workers there, and made me say to the speaker "This is Craig, honey".

Then we were walking across the parking lot of Home Depot (he refused to use a wheelchair or crutches, preferring to use me as his crutch) and my sisters walked by and said hi. He told me he wanted to take them to a bar, but I said they were married.

Cutting this huge cobblestoning story short, we got an area about 5' x 1' done. It was arduous, dusty work , and I think I got concrete in my lungs. Then he insisted we have a barbecue with my sisters, so I got them over there and we had a barbecue. Within 20 seconds of sit ting down with my family, Craig had regaled us with the story of when he got in a fight with his dad in my front room and he kicked his dad and his fake leg fell off and he splattered stump blood all over. We got along just fine. Craig ate 2 burgers and a hot dog before I cut him off. I had nothing, cause I was coughing.


La said...

Have you been in that house for 3 years? No...We've only been in Ut for 4 years now.

I wish I had a picture of one legged guy. He reminds me of Eric's uncle Ed. Except Ed had 2 legs

La said...

Stump blood.

Joel said...

He can take my wife to a bar if he wants. Tell him that for me. I think she'll appreciate me for offering. Ask him if he knows any of these fellers what're building a house next to mine. They're might fine gentlepeeps and i especially don't mind the feces they allow their dog to deposit in my yard.

edelviess said...

I wish I had some freaks next door to entertain me.