Quotes That I Find Inspirational

"If you only want to lose things, then you should invite the gift of loss into your home."
-Me

"Courage is trying hard to not be afraid when something is really scary, like the vision of your dad in nothing but an apron, working in his garage."
-Me

"If you win something without having risked anything, than it's not as good as if you had risked losing your family, cause it makes for a better story"
-Me

"All races are equal but have you ever seen how Armenians dance? Yikes!"
-Me

"My enemy's enemy is my super turbo enemy."
-Me

"The cement on your neighbor's driveway is always grayer than yours."
-Me

"It's all fun and games until someone loses control of their bowels"
-Me

"It's not that I can't find fleeting happiness in a homosexual relationship, it's just that no homos are interested."
-Me

"Being a good friend means telling the absolute truth, and being a good neighbor is shutting up about my lawn needs."
-Me

"A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, but some salad tongs are better for suppositories."
-Me

"To any dude who disagrees with any of my quotes: it's time to confess to your parents that maybe the ladies aren't your thing."
-Me