Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The Sanitary Solution

I found this disturbing website and immediately thought it was an SNL spoof. Apparently, it's not. So I believe this will be the first video re-creation that I will attempt. Mandi, get the wigs. But, who shall play that sophisticated gentleman who has found that being a big man has its advantages?

Whatever pills this blond 40ish woman is on makes her
1) believe she has a convincing european accent
2) believe she has a right to talk about maintaining dignity while on an ad for buttwipe sticks.
3) right eye close randomly
4) ears grow freakishly

Since the 1880s, people have relied on archaic and filthy technology to cleanse their buttholes. Then came the bright teal, contoured buttwipe stick. The whole "look what technology has given unto us" feel of the website reminded me of this scene.

The problem is that you have this buttstick sitting next to the toilet. It would take a hazmat team and a priest to get that thing clean enough for Mandi to touch. And whoever thinks I can guide a TP wad on an 18" stick to effectively cleanse hasn't seen a) what I can produce back there and b) me trying to put up xmas lights with my extendo-reach tool.

It'll sell like hotcakes, though. I already have my xmas shopping done.


BigJason said...

I think the fat guy needs to expand on what the "advantages" of being a fat guy are...

pretty ryan said...

haha. I just sent this around to my family a day or so ago. i decided im on a quest to compile all terrible product infomercials into a super terrible infomercial to rule them all.

Prilla said...

We are laughing hard at that one. I think it would be an awesome video recreation. I also think that it would be a good segment on Channel 2's "Let Bill buy it and try it" I would love to see that.

Joel said...

As an owner of this product, I'd like to provide you with an unbiased point of view...

Apparently this product comes in various colors. You don't get to choose. It shows up in your mailbox and instead of teal you get... well, mine is brown.

The disposal of used tissues becomes more than a tiny bit inconvenient on those occasions where more than one tissue is required.

On the positive side, it doubles as a cereal spoon!

Montgomery Q said...

Big Guy Advantages:
-intimidating chess opponents
-you can go jogging and make your own cheese
-you get your own seat to yourself on the Ferris Wheel

-Difficulty reaching bunghole

sugarbritches said...

I hope I'm on your xmas list!! I better see a beautifully wrapped buttstick, in purple, under my tree! I want to make sure I can reach that xmas corn!

Ok. i went too far.

sugarbritches said...

I want to be able to clean off my christmas goose.

mandi said...

"Toilet paper is archaic and disgusting!" But adding it to an 18-inch stick = MODERN! I can't even think about this being put to use. Cannot. Think. About it.

Pam and Rand said...

Nothing works like the old index and middle finger for getting out that pesky Christmas corn. The buttstick would be much to cumbersome. I can't believe it is real.