Way to go, 2.6 percent!

This week the most hilarious thing I've read was a Daily Herald article about Utah's Defender of Christianity, Dell Schanze. My favorite part is the sentence "Schanze said he turned down the plea agreement because the case makes a mockery of the court system and Christianity and promotes homosexuality." I can picture the writer trying to wrestle some coherence into the paragraph while showing this lunatic's side. And I do mean lunatic. Isn't one of the recognizable signs of schizophrenia a conviction that everyone is against you, and nothing you have done is your own fault? "It's impossible for me to be reckless driving." Really?

Saying that the media destroyed his business is a lot like saying my pants have destroyed my butt's smell.

His entertaining blog has a list of awesome quotes. Yeah, you're not cocky, you just put a list of YOUR OWN inspirational quotes on your blog. And they are truly pearls like "Wanting is the first step to getting."

Leaving Las Begas

Oliver calls it "Las Begas", so that's what it is for me. This is nowhere near all the pics we took...I just have to find the rest. A lot of them were lost forever because we somehow misplaced our Flip. This is one of the many things we lost on this trip, which makes the pics we have all the more precious...

There was beautiful scenery on the way down. I kept taking pictures instead of driving well. We went through a few rainstorms, but they were light and you could see them coming from far off.


I love the Cancun. The bathtub is ample, jetted and comfortable.


One day we went to the Las Vegas Natural History Museum. We were pretty much the only people there, so we took time to take pictures of everything and really get to know the place. I think we took a picture next to each physical object on the building. Here's what scientists think Adam looked like.

This is my new favorite animal, the helicoprion (from the Greek "Helicopter Pilot") that lived 250 million years ago. Scientists can't figure out if it had a bad-A spike-whip lower lip or if it was like a buzzsaw, but either way, it's pretty awesome. I'd like to keep one as both a pet and carpentry tool.



Mandi made us go on a hike in Zion's that ended disastrously. I think next time we'll go there in the summer and spend a couple days and not tack it onto an early spring Vegas trip.

I'll let Mandoo post the rest of the pics. It was a fun time, except for the end, when God decided to punish us for befouling Easter and chucked a bunch of lightning bolts made of poo at us.

Sometimes all you need is a little vibrational resonance

In doing logo research for a mortgage brokerage firm, I came across a reality-based object that, if used correctly, could mean the end to my electro-magnetic pollution.

You know how when you use your cell phone or iPod and you're hearing words, but don't really feel love? If you stick this dogtag into your cell phone, "it translates into the power of love as it is needed". Look, it couldn't be simpler. You know how water crystallized into different things when you write words on the glass? It's simply a geometric synergistic love-angel operating on the phoenic plane! It's not rocket science!

What a crazy joke!

I got an email today saying "Invitation to be a juryman" and I opened it up and saw this! That's so nuts! Weener pills aren't jury duty! Thanks a lot, the_prophet28!

I watch the Watchmen

Friday night I saw Watchmen again with Bigelow. My review is: AWESOME. Go see it, then read the book.

I've told some of you about one night 6 years ago at the Provo Towne Center. or Town Centre. You know how there's a steep grass hill separating the two levels of parking outside the theater? That long-ago night I was by myself and I saw that the recently watered hill would be tough to get down. At that time I was in a little better shape, so I knelt down on one sandal and, with one leg out in front to steer, I slid straight down and stood up at the end in one awesome movement. Yes, people were watching and yes, they thought I was a freaking ninja. I've had 4 kids and gotten married, but this was, by far, the coolest thing that had ever happened to me.

Well, on Friday night I come out of there with a full bag of large popcorn, and I stop at the top. I couldn't tell, but it didn't look
wet at all. I don't have my slick-soled sandals on, so I start walking all gingerly down the slope. Remember on Arrested Development when Tobias Funke takes a slip on his mother-in-law's spilled cocktail? After about 5 steps I did one of those, flat on my tailbone. The 15 mexicans at the bottom of the hill start laughing THEIR BUTTS OFF. They made no pretense of hiding their joy at seeing this awesome tumble. I get up and slowly make it to the bottom and walk past them saying "Ow." with every step, which makes them laugh harder. They were looking at the hill where you see, in the wet grass, 5 footprints, then an explosion of yellow popcorn and a skidmark, then 5 more steps to the bottom.

I don't get embarrassed, but it was a pretty not cool moment for me.