Friday, June 30, 2006

The Movie That Fell to Earth

Superman was not that great. HE WENT TO THE HOSPITAL!! Any Superman movie that has him going to the hospital does not know the character. Writing=2 mangled thumbs down. Acting/casting=2 thumbs up.

I'd much more like to talk about the mexikids sitting behind me. There was a herd of 7 or 8 hispanics with kids ranging from 10-13 years old that each needed one punch each, right in the mexi-nuggets. They wouldnt shut up or stop kicking our chairs. I had to turn around and talk meanly, which I dont like to do, being a funloving sweethearted guy. That would get them to settle for 5 minutes, though, before their retard mouths kicked into gear again. And you can't beat up kids in a Superman movie. Wait, can you? Cause I think they needed it. Just thinking about pummelling them makes my mouth water. I would take my time, starting out with a good working over in the crotchal region, then start cutting up the face with fists of rightous fury. The parents would rise halfway through (they were a little slow) and say something like "Deje de pummel mis hojos...." and receive the Pibb in the face, blinding them so I can move in for the orbital-lobe-fracturing elbows and throat chops. Then here comes the bag of doorknobs in the crotch. Kids start to recover, weakly struggle to protect their parents. I snap off their seat-kicking feet and cram them down their gullets. Eyes bulge as they fight for breath around the cruel vinyl and rubber of their costco roller-sneakers. Losing consciousness, they sink back into their chairs, and the audience cheers and hoots. Hands are shaken, gratitude is expressed. and I yell out "Let's shut it up for the Soops!" and we all do.

Superman probably wouldnt approve. But the awesomest superhero character in the universe, Lobo, would heartily endorse my actions.


Joel said...

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sugarbritches said...

I think their girl doppelgangers were at Devil Wears Prada the other night. You know, if you use a pillow case full of oranges it won't leave a bruise. Just ask Bing Crosby.