Nanette

Guess what I have.

No! Not a collection of my own scabs kept in a plastic filmcase in my drawer. (Listen to me. Please stop guessing that. That will NEVER be the answer.)

I have a cousin. This crazy lo-res picture if of my crazy lo-res cousin, Nanette. Although she's a photographer, she's impossible to find a good picture of. She lives in Idaho. If you're in Idaho, and you need pictures of things taken, you should go see her.

We've been best buds all our lives, except for the past 10 years, when we've been out of contact. Recently we began emailing and exchanging words. And we'll soon see each other at the NAPP (Photoshop) Training Conference in SLC. She's going to learn how to more expertly photograph black-shirted families in rural settings. I'm going to learn how to better put my head (and the heads of those I love) on silly pictures.

I'm excited, cause I love her so much. And I love Photoshop.

Last Will and Testament

Songs Played at my Funeral: Parachutes (Mates of State) and Exquisite Dead Guy (They Might Be Giants)

I need every possible organ or tissue donated, and then an open casket, no matter how I die. Mandi will arrange my face pre-rigor mortis into the best Darrel face the world has ever seen. This picture will be on the front of the program, and in the paper.

After the funeral, I'll need to be cremated, because I dont want to pay for a burial plot. Or you can just put me in a dumpster somewhere. I dont give a crap.

Alex gets the comic book collection, and Maddie gets my dog stroller. Isabel gets rights to sell all my artwork. Joel gets my paycheck-making machine. Mandi gets...everything else.

Passive weight losing isn't working

I got an email for a new flesh-loss product. I'll think I'll give it a try. Their website is not working, but I've replied to their email, requesting more information. I want to "worm out more". Here's what their original email said. If I get a response, I'll post it, and you can start covertly glancing as my needless kilos melt off.

Anatrim – The up-to-the-moment and most delighting flesh loss product is made available now – As seen on Oprah Do you understand that superfluous body kilograms kill more and more people around the world? We believe you hate the unsightly look of those people and the social stigmata attached to them. Or, maybe, you have not the will to withstand a siege of fatal eating habits of yours. If it all sounds familiar, then we got something for your consideration!

Here there is Anatrim, the new product for the elimination of your body’s extra weight. The greatest thing is that Anatrim raises the quality of your life, repressing your feeling of hunger and giving you better mood. Read some e-mails from our customers:

"It is wonderful! I stopped watching TV constantly and eating anything close at hand I became more interested in exercise. Anatrim placed me on the right track. I feel as fit as a fiddle now and lots of men cast their covert glances at me!"

Amelia B., Washington


"I tried some passive weight losing, but with no result. I was difficult for me to hold in my ravenous appetite. Once I was told on Anatrim my very best friend by and I rather liked the information. I had attempted using it, and my wife said to me I’m not more a weighty man now, 4 months later. 30 pounds have gone away and it is still far to an end! And you know, I’m an impetuous lover again."

Mikkey Fox, Bellevue WA


Anatrim helps your mind to realize you doesn’t have such a great need for that much food. It improves your mood, supplies you with extra energy, and attacks needless kilos. Especial thanks to its powerful comprehensive formula!!
Worm out more!

Review of 300

Take Gladiator and times it by Sin CIty. Add Braveheart and subtract the love story and that equals 300. I saw it on Friday and will proabably see it 10 more times while its in the theaters.

300 Spartans versus a million Persians. In real life, it was more like 200,000 Persians, and the Spartans had help from about 7,000 Arcadians. But, after the Arcadians wussed out and the majority of them left, it really was the King Leonidas and his asskickers that died there at the Hot Gates. Go see this movie. It will inspire you to achieve new levels of design, civil engineering, real estate appraisement, or whatever you do that drives your daily life. It will make you better as a person and harden your nipples until you run out of chest skin.

Or you can do like my sister and go see Wild Hogs. That's like being given the choice between a Pizza Hut pepperoni or a punch in the crotch, and selecting the punch. And that movie was #1 last weekend? What is wrong with the world? Do we really share a planet with people that pay money to see Tim Allen in any movie? That say to themselves "OK, I will see Norbitt, and not go play the penny game in the parking lot." This depresses me, but then I think back to the mighty warriors that made a huge wall using dead Persians as the mortar. I think of the fight between huge Goonies dude and the King. And my heart is warmed.

They never even asked to see my impaling stick

You probably all know that I was planning on running for president in 2007. I was going to run on a mostly conservative platform, backed by the Vampire, Witches and Pagan party. But I guess they didnt take me seriously, because that position has been usurped by Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey. If you need to read more about him, by all means click here.

(Incidentally, who spells Jonathan with 2 o's? Robin, you didn't do this, did you? I know you have a problem with the spelling arts)

So I need you all to NOT vote for my replacement. Just enjoy his antics in the media, and then make your voice heard in the ballot vote-placement booth when I run under the Deviant Artists for Increased War Activity and Hillary Clinton Impalement Party.

Tribute to John Langdon

This man is one of the inspirations for the main character in the DaVinci Code. I could go into all the things he has done for the world of design and typography, but I'll sum it up by just saying he kicks quite a bit of ass, and I want him in my arms. Here's some of his work. The man created an inversion from PAUL MCARTNEY!

To listen to the latest podcast about ambigrams, go here.