After eating a delicious dinner with Nanette, Sherri, and Joel's family on Saturday, I was invited to go to a Neil Diamond concert. I raised the following objections:
1) I would have to listen to Neil Diamond sing
2) I would be surrounded by people who paid money to go to a Neil Diamond concert.
Eventually, I was convinced that a free Neil Diamond concert was better than sitting around at home, so soon I found myself in the Energy Solutions Arena, looking down at the vast stage that held separate moving platforms filled with Neil, the Neilettes, the horn section, 2 percussion sections, a keyboardist, and a lone dude with a guitar, all by his lonesome on his own platform.
Many of my N-word cousins were in attendance. Nan, Nina, Norene, Neva, Novocain, Nomsbane, and Nelda. I hadn't seen Nelda in many years, so I kept yelling Hello to her. I don't think she recognized me.
During the song "You Don't Bring Me Cigarettes", The Neilster found himself in a solitary spotlight at a cafe table, with a rose and a plate of scrambled eggs. The dude at my 8:00 began singing hoarsely and crying. I wanted to pat him on the back and say "there, there" and then punch him in the crotch with all the strength I could muster.
After all is said and done, I would have to say that a free Neil was better than sitting at home. I went home and made a t-shirt, because I didn't want to spend $35.
