First: To satisfy my customers fully. I pledge to offer the finest famous tailbones and tailbone-related merchandise at the lowest prices. If you have a celebrity coccyx to sell, I promise to pay the highest prices for even the most inferior of coccyges.
Second: To spill the blood of as many annoying celebrities as I can.
I OFFER YOU FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS FOR THE COCCYX OF LARRY KING.
An irritating man who is paid millions to "interview" other irritants, the incomprehensible Larry King has been my main source of irritation with CNN for nearly two decades. Though Mr. King is a decent and reputable man, he has always maintained his talk show to a standard of quality easily attainable by, say, a housecat. Except a cat might listen to the guest's answers more, and offer more intelligent insight. He also is repulsive to the eye, and seems to enjoy hurting me with his choice of ties and suspenders. Because of these violations against me, I must hereby offer a ransom for his extracted lower vertebrae.
4 comments:
"Most coccyx pain is caused by the coccyx dislocating when you sit. In such cases, manual treatments, if applied by an expert, may relieve the pain. Injections of cortisone help some people. If other treatments fail, removal of the coccyx may be effective in suitable cases. This is best carried out by an surgeon who has a record of experience and success with this operation."
Not 'a surgeon', it must be 'an surgeon'.
Oh. Well, I was hoping that it be done without surgical expertise. I want to leave them in more pain than before.
Now that I work at a hospital and all I think that makes me 'An Surgeon" or close. I'm compiling my list of annoying celebs. I can't wait to start bartering.
Eddie Murphy
Robin Williams
Paris Hilt...wait is she a celebrity?
my favorite part of Napoleon Dynamite was when Uncle Rico told him that his gramma has broken her coccyx.
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