Thursday, July 27, 2006

Subway or the Highway



Last night at Subway I had the most awkward and embarrassing experience for me that I can remember.

I walk in to get some dinner for me and mandi. I'm being nice, cause I hate this place. But I was talking to mandi on the phone and happened to be driving by, and I know she's a fan. So I said I'd get her something. I see this girl that I used to know from when I lived in a different neighborhood. I can't ever remember her name, but she always goes on and on about how I'm dressed. "Oh I love HomeStar Runner, blahblah"

She makes Mandi's sandwich without incident. As she's doing this, This fat turd starts making mine. He cuts the loaf, then starts to pull on some gloves. The exertion causes a drop of something nice from his greasy mane to drop onto his gloves. Without thinking how this will scar his life, or how loud my voice was, I say "Wait. never mind on that."

Greasy turd: "What?"

me: "I said never mind. I lost my appettite."

GT: "You don't want it?"

Me: "Dude...you just dripped onto your glove. Sorry, but that's gross."

GT: "Oh, yeah. Sorry, it's just so hot back there...I can start a new one.."

Me: "No, I..just...I can't deal with this-"

I turn quickly to run like a little girl from the store and put this behind me. My sandalled foot hits the chip stand, and I catch it barely, but not before yelling an awful word. Loudly. I hate toe injuries the most. Every head in the room that is not already looking swivels over. The girl has an extremely amused look on her face. The dude looks ready to cry, because he's not prepared to defend his hygiene to a roomful of customers and coworkers and all he wants is to take the knife and slice his throat then and there, and I felt so bad for him and my toe and myself, for letting myself be embarrassed and that I made things so much worse.

I need to remember to ask myself "What would Chuck Norris do?"

So I left and got me some Arby's.

8 comments:

Mom said...

I'm confused on the conflicting standards???? Is a small drop of salty water more scary than a goey unidentifiable stain on a metal table at a fast food place? You've provided us with proof that the stain is way less scary. Did it taste good?

Montgomery Q said...

Excellent point. I think the difference is the source. I suspected the gooey smudge to be orignally ice cream, and it did taste a little vanilla-y. Plus I made $15. I wouldnt PAY to lick that, though, and I wouldnt pay Subway to have someone really gross make my sandwich. If they were paying me, then I proabably could choke one down. So I guess the difference is the money, not the source.

Montgomery Q said...

That's proabably the correct spelling of proabably.

pretty ryan said...

oh man paul. im glad i ran across this. that is discustingly hilarious. i just really don't know what to say! the trip on the cookie carrier was a nice added touch. yer gettin' a link from my blog to this story fer sure! (that means you will have TWO extra people read this...not too shabby.)

heidi said...

Oh man, I feel really sad for that guy. I didn't know you had such high standards.

sugarbritches said...

poor sweaty fat man. One time I went to Jack in the box in Las Vegas and the worker girl came up to the counter scratching her danger zone whilst asking for our order. Suddenly we were no longer hungry. The girl didnt get why we left.

Eric said...

I dripped tears of laughter on my pants reading this.

Anonymous said...

pantsssssss