"Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover"

Now that the cable has been downgraded from "mounds of turds with the occasional nugget of goodness" to "All Turds, All the Time" there's no longer a way to Oliver down on the couch at any time of the day and put on a show. His two favorites Teletubbies and Thomas are only on once a day, instead of anytime on OnDemand. It's going to suck for the next month until I break down and upgrade the cable again.

I remember when I was a small one I watched Picture Pages. I dont think my mom ever got me the actual book to follow along with, despite the warning tone in the theme song...


Picture Pages, Picture Pages,
Time to get your Picture Pages,
Time to get your crayons and your pencils..."

"You can play with Picture Pages,
FIll your day with Picture Pages,
'Till Bill Cosby does another Picture Page with you!"

But I liked to watch it anyway. it was like Bill was standing there doing my homework for me in an entertaining way.


I also like Romper Room. They had a lot of fun toys I wished I had. One toy I was scared of was the ICanSee Mirror, which freaked me out. I didnt want the lady to see me. It was my job to be watching HER.













The best shows were one that interesting secondary characters that enriched the enjoyment of the show. One example of a show that did NOT do this was Capt Kangaroo. Holy Crap, I hated him. Hated his moose, hated Mr. Greenjeans, and hated his coat. He was condescending and boring. And I really tried to like him, because my friends did.






Then after the introduction of Slim Goodbody, I went and kicked my friends asses and got new friends with better taste. I was not going to stand for that.



















I did like The World of Commander McBragg, though. I see a lot of his influence in my life to this day. God bless that mustachioed adventurer.









As i got a little older, I remember watching 2 shows very faithfully every morning. I mean FAITHFULLY. The ritual was to get up, urinate, eat a sandwich, make some Nestle Quik to drink while I watched Rocky and Bullwinkle



which was enhanced by the creative concoctions of Fractured Fairy Tales. Man, I love those. I am going out TODAY to get the book of Fractured Fairy Tales. My kids NEED that influence of combined cynicism and creativity in their lives.





Right after that, Underdog came on, which ruled. I saw a trailer for the new live-action movie they're doing for Underdog, which will probably suck (there's that cynicism again). I'll see it, though, because I feel I owe it to him. He was there for me, and he taught me so much.



So, thanks, TV. A great man named Homer once said, "When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV! "