Tuesday, February 05, 2013

The Most Magical Birthday Gift

Until recently, my best birthday gift was a cake shaped like Batman that my mom made for me. Or maybe it was an Oingo Boingo drumstick.

Mandi had told me to take Friday off, so I assumed we were going somewhere. I thought maybe a night at a bed n breakfast was in store for me, but I had no idea how nice my lady was.

Friday morning, she said, "pack some shorts, we're going to Vegas." Hot diggety, I said. I like Vegas. I don't ever gamble or get hookers, I just like to experience hotels and see Fremont Street and make fun of the weird people. And there's a Chevy's there.

On they way, we went to Jack in the Box in St. George. I always insist on stopping there so I can order many tacos and then eat most of them. The tacos are really good.

We stayed the first night in the Palms hotel. It is a very nice hotel, as evidenced in this picture. This is a Lambo parked in front. If I had this car, I would approve of it's paint job. The clerk upgraded us cause he wasnt a dick, and it was my birthday. So we got the really nice suite with two rooms and a tub in the bedroom.

This is a picture of that tub, and a tubby man.

It was kind of overcast, which was nice for walking and driving. We ate at a $40 buffet place that had sushi and every other kind of food. I had waffles, red velvet pancakes, noodles, eggrolls, rice, 3 tacos, cheesecake, sushi, cucumber juice, orange juice, dr. pepper, some kind of meat, and 4 creme brulees. I wonder if Bruce Lee liked Creme Brulees.

This picture of the Caesar's Palace pool shows you the overcastness of the day. The pool was closed, but we didnt care, because we were just there to eat food.

We also went to the Bellagio to see the fountain show and the flowers. I didnt want to very much, but it was fun. Unfortunately for Mandoo, I was kind of an old man during this trip, not wanting to do much other than hang out in the hotel room. She urged me to get off my butt and do stuff.

This is an explosion of coins and a cobra that was at the Bellaggio. They were celebrating Chinese Awareness for some reason.

The next night we stayed at the Trump hotel. Since the clerk there WAS a dick, the room was not upgraded to our satisfaction. The bathroom mirror had a tv in it, though, that you could watch from the bathtub. If you don't think that's super-awesome, I just feel sorry for you, man.

That night we had Domino's pizza that only took 2.5 hours to arrive.

The next morning was Sunday. After attending worship services, we laid by the pool for the rest of the day. It was sunny and nice, as you can see. We had a late checkout of 4:00 pm, which is a very good thing. The only bad part was the water tasted like Mr. Trump's testicles. Legend has it that he goes to each of his pools twice weekly to make sure it does. He takes an antique teacup and dips it in, he sips and then sometimes says "Needs more balls". I kept flipping out when a drop from my nose would hit my lips, because I didn't care for the taste.

At 5:00 we went to Chevy's. We watched Beyonce perform the Superbowl show with Mexican music played over it, so you wouldnt have to hear her sing. It was a nice way to end the trip. Thanks Mandoo.


mandi said...

You're welcome, Paul. Twas fun. I'm pretty sure I've given you other good presents since your Batman cake, but who's keeping track.

Let's go again right now! I want to lay by the pool in the sun. It was so awesome without the kids. (Sorry kids.)

I always get renewed and invigorated on trips and think I will suddenly have the energy and verve to accomplish all of my life's goals when I get home, but I'm already back in the crushing bleakness. Today: Parent Teacher Conference, 5 days worth of dishes from major sink clog, $200 plumbing charge, psycho Miamaid leader texting me every two seconds.....Calgon, take me away! Why does Donald Trump keep dipping his balls in my life? Sadface.

Joel said...

Really, the only way this trip could have been better, it seems, is if someone were to awaken you by singing Yellow Burt.

Montgomery Q said...

Or is someone had a urine fight with me.