Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Get it off of me!!!!

After seeing Spiderman 3: Revenge of the MJ last Friday morning at 12:09, I felt like Peter Parker up in that bell tower, trying to wrestle the black tar mass of a movie out of my mind. But it clung viciously, because it did have some good moments, like beautiful Sandman effects, an awesome opening battle, and the blind Village girl who should win an Oscar for sculpting her turd lines into semi-digestible burritos with her acting.

Keep in mind, I have about 56 Spidey comics, which puts me in the range of "Fanboy With A Life". I love Spidey. He was way different from the Superman, the world's policeman with no real issues. Spiderman taught me right and wrong have huge fields of gray (especially in the Venom storyline), and hardly anything ever went right for him. I had really high hopes for this one. The first one was a little disappointing, but I figured they'd build up steam and I was right, because the second one was a pants splatterer. Loved Alfred Molina, the Doc Ock effects, the story moved along, and Goblin got killed.

THen Raimi decides to turn this one into a WB soap opera with Mary Jane and Peter going back and forth with lines like "we have to forgive each other...or everything we ever were will mean nothing!" MJ and Aunt May both need to shut up. Just go lay down. I JUST DON'T CARE. I thought "all this soap needs is a good amnesia character...oh wait there he is." Then I thought "At least they're not having Tobey do a dance number to make his girlfriend jealous....AAAAIIGH!!!!"

Topher: meh. Thomas H. Church: well done. Green Goblin guy: Die in a fire. Seriously.

Raimi: Call it quits. With great budgets and expectations come great responsibility to not pinch loaf.


DFB said...

That opening battle came after about twenty minutes of, gee, I guess I forgot. I just remember thinking.. okay, could something please happen, anything? But, yeah, that battle kicked ass. But then hobgoblin got amnesia?!?! I can handle implausibility, but not a plot-manipulator like that! It just feels like a cheating writer.

Who is the blind village girl? Did I sleep through that part?

The best storyline was Sandman but they decided NOT to tell it. Thanks! Instead, they had T.H.Church relay the high points at the end. Hint to the writers: exposition may be necessary sometimes, but it's boring. So important interesting stories need to be part of the movie, not part of a character's lines. Ugh!

Montgomery Q said...

Yeah, I was really excited for that PP/Goblin fight. It was very cool. But then the rest of the movie happened. Like the amnesia thrown in. I'll be the writers are saying "but he had amnesia in the comics and forgot everything". Yes, but that was retarded. You're supposed to take whats AWESOME from the comic books, not the lameness.

Village girl is Gwen, the blond girl that died in the comics. Marvel had her as the ultimate love interest, the soulmate of PP, and has Goblin throw her off a bridge. Spidey webs her, and she snaps her neck and dies. Very tragic. But also typical of Spidey's "damned if you do-damned if you don't" life.

Sandman: hi, I'm really sorry for trying to kill you, your friends, and many innocent people. I just needed money for my sick kids. See this tear?

PP: Thats...ok, I guess. I will not fight you now.

Sandman: Then I will drift away in the breeze.....whssssssh


Christopher Bigelow said...

I have now made a conscious decision not to see this movie. Thanks, Paul, for saving me three hours of my life.

Maybe we should all boycott it by not going to see it on May 15.... It'll be our national Spidey blackout day, and we will make Hollywood pay! (Of course, feel free to see it on other days--JUST NOT MAY 15!)

But hey, there's a new Fantastic Four movie coming, and they're remaking Hulk again with Ed Norton.

heidi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
La said...

What I loved:

1) Same fight you did with peter and harry.

2) that harry and peter work together to stop venom/sandman, though it could've used more awesome.

3) that there was kind of a feel-good ending, though I realize that's not in sync with the comic.

What I hated:

1) it was way too long

2) the amnesia

3) bad guys apparently can adapt in record time to their new-found powers. but good guys takes years to hone their skills. yep.

heidi said...

sorry, i quoted you wrong the first time (deleted comment).

sculpting her turn lines into semi-digestible burritos...

i just really like that.

heidi said...

whoops, messed up again.

TURD lines.