Friday, January 30, 2009

Two morals: Get to Church on Time, and PG-13 Means PG-13

I stayed up late Saturday night watching "Man On Wire". Its a documentary about a french dude that walked on a wire between the World Trade Center North and South Towers. It was awesome. What was the best was that he did it 8 times. After walking across once, I would be able to say, ok, I've had my fill of walking 250 feet on a wire that's a 17 miles up. But he needed to do it 7 more times until the police threatened to pull him off with a helicopter (which would have been awesome to see). I wanted the kids to watch with us, so they could learn to follow their dreams and aim high and all that crap, but Mandi said NO because it was rated PG-13. The whole time I'm like, its just rated that because they dont want kids to do this, and its tense and scary sometimes. It's a documentary, what are they gonna do?

So finally she relents and the kids come in to watch. Then comes the part when he had just come down from the towers and he's all famous and the police let him go and he goes and immediately has intercourse with some chick, cameras rolling. The scene snuck up very quickly and stealthily, and it's full frontal, so I scramble for the remote and Mandi sends the kids out all panicky.

To paraphrase Patrick Stewart; "By that time, we've seen everything".

Oops. So now the kids think we're into watching that kind of thing, and that we do it all the time.

So Sunday morning i woke up really groggy and out of it. As usual we get to church at about 9:10, and I have this feeling in the back of my head that I've forgotten something major. "It'll come to me" I think, barely listening to the talks. Then the talk ends and I see the choir all congregate up there on the stand. For a split second I think "Oh good, the choir's going to sing" but then I realize that I'm supposed to be UP THERE WITH THE MUSIC TO PASS OUT AND I DONT HAVE THE MUSIC AND I'M THE CHOIR DIRECTOR so I run up there and say "hey dudes, I forgot. I'm gonna run home and get the music" (which noone hears) and I tell the bishop to just have the last speaker go and we'd do the song at the end. I stand up in the front of the choir, raise my hands, then slowly do the "sitdown" signal that we all know and love from Primary. I run outta there and drive home real fast.

Remember the weather on Sunday? Perfect for driving home fast in. I missed 4 stops because I skidded past them.

Turns out, the bishop didnt hear me either, so he awkwardly had the congregation sing a hymn from the book. I get back and sit down, and the last speaker is vamping, waiting until he sees me. He doesn't see me, so I wave my hands up in the air. So I get up there to the mike and say "I apologize...did you ever have one of those days?..". and everyone chuckles and I turn
around and we do the MOST OFF THE HOOK RENDITION OF QUEEN'S "DON'T STOP ME NOW" that any choir has ever sung.


tiff said...

wow fun times are had in your world

Joel said...

Does your ward appreciate? I wish I had been there to laugh at you.

heidi said...

Gary had to come see what I was laughing out loud about.

There's a kids book about that guy walking across the Towers. I'm glad it didn't have the sex part in it.

Best Extras ever.

That church thing is hilarious. I bet Mandi loved that.

Pam and Rand said...

I've been laughing for days at the choir story. Too funny! Those pesky sex scenes can really ruin a moment of family togetherness.

Boy Mom said...

It was hilarious! Thanks for creating an opportunity for an extended talk on preparedness, definitely my favorite sacrament meeting subject, definitely.

So when are we singing "Fat Bottomed Girls"?

Bru said...

I've gotta' hear that Queen. Where'd you get it?

That's my favorite song of all time and if I can get our choir to sing it, I'd be ready for heaven.

'Course, they're all a bunch of dopes anyway, so they'd never do it.

Katy said...

Awesome! I wish that I had been there to see it, the choir # that is! I've had those days.